The Buzz: Wok it off

IN A NEW BOOK BY writer Todd Gallagher, he challenged Andy Roddick to a tennis match - wherein Roddick had to play using a frying pan. The Buzz guess for Chapter Two's contents: batting practice against Barry Bonds, who has to use a rolling pin.

Cooking equipment proved to be a huge hindrance and Gallagher won. His zany plan panned out.

Great Scott

If you love commencement speeches - and who doesn't? - read the one ESPN anchor Scott Van Pelt delivered earlier this month at the University of Wisconsin on the school's Web site.

It's an exercise in silly self-deprecation from a man who knows he's not the most distinguished elocutionist - or even an alum. One choice line: "You all deserve someone who has contributed to society in a far more meaningful way than referencing 'Flight of the Conchords' and the 'Aqua Teen Hunger Force' over highlights of the Milwaukee Bucks and the Atlanta Hawks."

It's obvious Van Pelt gave more than the ol' college try.

Protect and swerve

NASCAR might want to start providing security for its security.

Guard Achibald Hutchison is suing driving Kasey Kahne for allegedly shoving Hutchison to the ground at Homestead-Miami Speedway in mid-November after the driver refused to show identification to access a restricted area.

Apparently Kahne had reached his brake-ing point.

Vital(e) signs

Voicing his concerns about his voice in a letter to fans, ESPN broadcaster Dick Vitale will take a timeout from the season to have throat surgery. To college basketball enthusiasts, that news is not so awesome, baby.

Juneau the answer

Tennis player Dmitry Tursunov served up a history lesson when asked if he saw similarities between his native Russia and the United States: "We both owned Alaska at one point."

Shady Caracter

Louisville basketball coach Rick Pitino had this to say about forward Derrick Caracter, who was suspended by the team earlier this month for a curfew violation: "I'd have to coach another 30 years to truly explain him."

That would be a lengthy Caracter study.

Upgrade needed

Computer guru Michael Dell is reportedly in the running to purchase the Miami Dolphins. Maybe he can solve Miami's compatibility issues.

The Buzz can already picture the press conference: The company's former spokesman will exclaim to Dell, "Dude, you're getting a team!"

He's the Boss

The baseball from the final out of the 2007 World Series has really gone to the dogs - or at least one pooch.

Jonathan Papelbon says his canine, Boss, has gnawed to shreds the most prized possession.

That sounds like one mutt that needs to be chewed out.