Jacey EckhartAt first I thought the TV commercial was an ad for a divorce attorney. Turns out it was a tax preparation pitch. In the H&R Block ad, this squirrelly lookin' husband tells his wife they are getting audited. The wife bends over him, concerned.
"Really? Well, maybe we should see the people that did our taxes," she says. Then she sneers at him. "Oh, that's right. We didn't use people. We used a box. Well, Greg, let's ask the box what we should do now."
The sad little husband doesn't say anything or even look at her while she holds up the box to her ear and mocks him.
"What's it saying?" he titters.
"Nothing. It's a box," she snaps.
I guess the message is supposed to be that if you want to avoid your wife's contempt, you're gonna need real live people working for you.
I'd agree with that. I'd even volunteer to be one of your people. Because I may know jack about the tax code, but I do know enough to ask this one question: What are you doing pussyfooting around with a wife (or a husband) who shows you that much contempt?
That's right. Contempt. Sneering, mocking, name-calling, eye-rolling, sarcastic, cynical, bitter-tasting contempt. Contempt is a very bad sign in a marriage.
Psychologist John Gottman, a leading research scientist on marriage and family, has long identified contempt, criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling as major predictors of divorce. Even among these four, contempt is considered the most important indicator that a marriage is in trouble.
So why do we see it so often when advertisers are trying to sell us something? I guess it is supposed to seem a little like humor. After all, the Silly Husband has been a common figure in commercials, TV and movies for ages. I've been fine with that, but lately it seems commercials have taken on a more acrid flavor.
Instead of Silly Husband, the guy I see most often now is Ridiculous Lazy Idiot Who Can't Do Anything Right. That guy is so common that right after the tax commercial the archetype showed up again in a Domino's Pizza commercial. When the husband finds out he has 30 minutes before the pizza comes, he appears in a red satin robe. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
The wife deadpans, "What are we going to do with the other 28 minutes?"
That's harsh. If my husband said something so cold to me, I wouldn't stand there smiling. I'd sneak off somewhere to lick my wounds. Forget the pizza.
Sure, these are just commercials. I should ignore them, turn them off, stop watching so much TV. And yet, I can't ignore that human beings tend to copy the examples in front of them. How long before I'm the one rolling my eyes and listening to boxes and pounding on the doors of the Gottman Institute, begging them to fix my marriage?
I hope I never end up like that. Every time I see one of those commercials, I won't be thinking about my taxes. I won't be ordering a pizza. Instead I'll take that display of contempt and use it as a cue to pounce on my husband and kiss him all over. Because I got people. Specifically I've got one person who deigns to do my taxes. He's got me. Let's keep it that way.
Jacey Eckhart, jacey87@mac.com
Delicious
Digg
Reddit
Facebook
Google
Yahoo
It's not just commercials.
It's not just commercials. Television shows (and their reruns) work similarly. Think of all the knuckleheads on TV and count how many are women. e.g. Dr. Huxtable, Tim Allen, Friends, Married with Children, Homer Simpson, Peter Griffin, Honeymooners, Mad about you, etc... It's infantilism of men. I didn't like it when Ricky was giving Lucy an allowance and spanking her on the bum on national TV. Nor do I like the opposite roles of modern television.
Wow thats sweet,it's been
Wow thats sweet,it's been about three years since I first noticed people standing up and saying "hey I'm all for women's rights but lets see men get equal treatment". But this is the first woman's opinion I've read.Thanks,hooray for you.
In response to...
In response to this comment posted previously on this article:
"Submitted by BCAT GRAHAM on Mon, 01/21/2008 at 10:31 pm.
I've also noticed that all of these husbands portrayed as knuckleheads are white guys."
You're very wrong, the stereotype is not confined to only white. I've seen this happen with other races as well, and its not just confined to commercials. This type of plot setup dominates sitcoms, and there are plenty of movies to choose from where this wife=smart husband=stupid formula is basically the entire plot, in all cases its done no matter what race the charachters are.
Amen
I too have been noticing it and admit when I first saw it( Tax commercial-last year by the way)I thought it was cute- because well I do the taxes- well then this year it came around again and I thought "are they trying to make a point of a woman ridiculing her husband?" Also the pizza one & the sonic ones. Is this the stereotype we want our children to see their father as- I can remember when that silly " I think I'll keep her" commercial crap came out a few years back- boy were women pissed! Men have a right to be offended by this mess and quite frankly, I am offended. My husband has his quirky ways and misjudgments just like the rest of us but I dont ridicule him about it- we may both do a knowingly giggle but I wouldnt dare go as far as making him look stupid. I want my children to look at my husband or I as dependable, intelligent, caring parents that consider each others feelings and accept that we all make mistakes!Thanks for writing about this Jaycee!
Haven't we learned? Degrading one group degrades everyone!
Believe it or not, this feminist doesn't like this bad portrayal of men either. Why? Though it may surprise some, I love men, and I am happily married to a great guy. I too am sick of seeing commercials and TV shows that ridicule and humiliate men. Men have enough trouble nowadays trying to define who they are and what they're meant to do and be in this confusing and ever-changing world. They don't need a constant barrage of images that tells them how stupid, lazy and useless they are. I agree that there would be hell to pay if any other group were portrayed in this manner, so why is this pathetic depiction of manhood acceptable? Is it supposed to be funny? Frankly, it just makes me sad and angry, and also glad I watch so little TV. Moreover, it doesn't make me want to buy whatever that commercial's selling. I look forward to the day when completely degrading another human being isn't thought to be amusing or an acceptable means to sell stuff. That lady in the tax commercial really made me mad!!
Thank you
I, too have noticed the same thing...my response to the smart-ass wife would be "I don't see you lifting a finger to get the taxes done, so shut your mouth." Me using a box every year saves us about $1000 in tax preparation fees. Another one is the Sonic commercials...the guy is the idiot and the wife is the self-righteous b----. Because of this, I will not do business with H&R Block. I don't go to Sonic any more, either.
the price of Political Correctness
White males are the only ones left who can be made fun of in an open forum without reprise. Enough is enough. The answer is not to take silliness out of commercials, but rather to fight back against the PC groups who cry foul when women or minorities are the silly ones. If we were to see a black man displayed as dumb on TV, I think we would be smart enough to know that not all black men are dumb. The PC groups see no shame in the constant stereotyping of white men as silly.
Bullseye
Jayce, you knocked this one out of the park. I too, have noticed this trend that the husband is ALWAYS wrong, ALWAYS at fault and ALWAYS stupid-if the roles were reversed and the wife was treated in the same manner as the husband was in this case, you'd have the feminists screaming bloody murder and they wouldn't stop until some poor fool lost his job, was run out of town and branded as a "woman-hater" for the rest of his life-I wouldn't be surprized if someone started calling for a federal hate-crime investigation.
Such is the price of political correctness.
Men in commericals
There was a time when husbands and fathers were shown giving sound advice to their wives and children, and getting things done when they needed to get done. Nowadays, they are mocked, ridiculed, derided, chided, heckled.....I could go on and on. It seems that nearly every husband and father depicted on television is in a perpetual slapstick comedy routine. Yes, we guys do act silly in many instances, but it is not all of the time. What are we teaching our sons (and daughters) when all they see on tv and hear on the radio are men behaving like useless dolts? Doesn't make for a good education.
Consistant
I've also noticed that all of these husbands portrayed as knuckleheads are white guys.