Navy family in Norfolk wins 'Pimped out Powder Room'

Just imagine taking a Wii in your bathroom. Now add a laptop, a big-screen TV, an iPod with speakers, a DVD player, a foot bath, a refrigerator.

On Wednesday morning, the ingredients for this arguable fantasy sat piled in front of Sally Urban's house in Norfolk.

She was randomly chosen from 270,000 entries nationwide in Roto-Rooter's "Pimped out Powder Room" sweepstakes.

She got the call this past week, in the midst of packing to move to Yokosuka, Japan, where her husband, Lt. Cmdr. Bill Urban, will be stationed as public affairs officer aboard the aircraft carrier George Washington.

"I never win anything. Nobody wins sweepstakes," she said, incorrectly.

The bathroom makeover contest was geared to the fact that 55 percent of the company's service calls come from women. It stands as counterpoint to last year's "Pimped out John" competition, which featured a "man's" toilet sprouting tentacles that held all sorts of electronics, a stand-alone refrigerator with beer tap and a bike-pedal exerciser.

The female version on the company's Web site resembles a cross between a dollhouse and a bubble-gum-induced hallucination.

From the setup, it appears the "user" could feasibly sit down on the toilet, slip her head under the drier, plop her footsies in the little bath and reach out to turn on the tunes.

That a laptop usually requires a lap, and that there's really only one place to get one of those in a bathroom, is solved thanks to a rotating table.

One promotional photo features a quartet of Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders, whom the company said it chose to represent the multitasking modern woman because they "are not only notoriously feminine, they're extremely busy."

They're looking at magazines, using the makeup mirror, checking e-mail on the toilet (lid down).

Like many things in life, however, the promotion didn't quite comport with the reality.

A nondescript white truck arrived at 9:45 a.m. Wednesday, as Urban was overseeing the movers and trying to keep her confused 22-month-old son, Mayo, entertained. The large wooden crate landed. The exploration began.

From one bag, Urban, 33, pulled bath towels sporting the Roto-Rooter crest. From another, a set of drapes in pornographic pink.

She set the Wii, the music system and the laptop aside. Those can go on the plane, so they'll come with. The bigger things - the fridge, TV and such - will go into storage to await the family's return stateside next year.

As will the pièce de résistance: the "elongated one-piece luxury toilet." Sitting on the sidewalk, wrapped in a packing blanket, its true splendor remained hidden.

Urban picked up the toilet's waterproof remote control and scanned the buttons.

"Seat temperature. Air speed. Deodorizer," she said, ticking them off. "His-and-her presets. Bidet. You can... pulsate."

She turned away, suddenly very interested in something across the street. Dwayne Jefferson, Roto-Rooter's regional general manager, volunteered his professional, if oblique, assessment.

"I've seen it in homes. This is top of the line. The toilet has a drying feature. After the bidet, you can..." he trailed off, then rebooted.

"Again, congratulations from Roto-Rooter!"

Urban was due to close on her house this morning, then hit the road with Mayo and her mother for Tallahassee, Fla., where they'll stay for a few months before continuing to Japan.

In the meantime there is much to ponder, such as: Will hard-core bathroom use of the Wii require an increase in the Urbans' homeowners insurance? How long can one really spend online or watching TV when there is only one place to sit? How hungry does one actually get in the bathroom that it requires a fridge?

And, lastly, what is one to make of this wholesale invasion of the lone remaining refuge from the modern world?

As the Roto-Rooter release itself says, "Not everyone considers the toilet to be the center of their personal universe."

Urban agreed.

"That's a lot of time in the bathroom," she said. "I just like to read."

Matthew Jones, (757) 446-2949, matthew.jones@pilotonline.com