The Buzz: He has the right and left stuff

DID YOU SEE how Florida State coach Bobby Bowden, uh, threw the book at star wideout Preston Parker after the player's arrest on drug and weapons charges last month?

He'll sit out the first two games against creampuffs Chattanooga and Western Carolina. Though the way things are going in Seminole land, the Dookies may be the only team that qualifies as a creampuff, and they're not on the schedule this year.

"Preston made a very serious mistake," Bowden said somberly in the statement announcing the suspension, "and there are consequences when one of our boys gets in trouble."

That didn't set well with Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel.

" If you're going to let players get away with toting guns and smoking weed, just be honest about it," he writes. "Bobby should just come right out and say, 'Our offense stinks, my legacy is on the line and I have to have Preston Parker to help me win games.' "

Bianchi also was amazed at how efficiently the courts can work when they're, ahem, properly motivated. The case has already been wrapped up.

"The wheels of justice turn quickly," he notes, "when you're trying to avoid another trip to the Music City Bowl."

Curses!

Remember that guy who buried a David Ortiz jersey at the new Yankee Stadium, hoping to jinx the Bombers?

Well, apparently he didn't stop there.

MSNBC's "Countdown With Keith Olbermann" reported this week that construction worker Gino Castignoli, told friends that while he worked at the stadium for one day last summer he buried an official scorecard from the 2004 Yankees-Red Sox ALCS in hopes of jinxing the Yankees.

In that series, the Red Sox came back to eliminate the Yankees despite losing the first three games of the best-of-seven series.

Castignoli "isn't telling anybody where" he buried the program, Olbermann said.

Yankees fans probably wish Castignoli would drop this obsession with the Beantowners already and get with the program.

The last waltz

There's no tap-dancing around it. Jason Taylor's offseason focus on a potential Hollywood career and "Dancing with the Stars" has left Bill Parcells and the Dolphins' brass feel like he's giving them The Hustle. They want to see the Pro Bowler bust a move - right out of Miami.

Actually, there may be more to it.

After finishing second to Kristi Yamaguchi in "Dancing With the Stars," Taylor told the Associated Press, "If you've got to finish anywhere besides first, second place is the best you can get."

Geez, that's enough to make you wonder how he fared on the Wonderlic test.

"Now that's putting a quality University of Akron education to use," noted Chris Foster of the L.A. Times.

Hitless wonder

Jason Varitek this week became the first catcher in major league history to catch four no-hitters.

Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times thinks that makes Varitek The Sultan of Squat.

Hoosiers

It seems like everywhere you look this week Indiana is in the news. The big race is Sunday, the Super Bowl is coming in 2012 and that Jones character has a movie coming out.