Diary of a Madwoman

This madwoman, a 40-something mom of two children, is here to tell you a thing or two about life when you're an overweight, perimenopausal (she has pills for when she laughs too hard, cream for when hair grows where it shouldn’t and patches to prevent hot flashes and aggravation.) She’s claustrophobic, agoraphobic, insomniatic, diabetic, stubborn anxious, hypothyroid, chronic sinusitis, allergenic, Fibromyalgia, asthmatic, migraine queen with two kids (both teens, one with special needs), four INDOOR dogs, a Cockatoo, two ferrets, a husband and PMDD. Why tell you all of this? TO make you feel better of course!

Category: Parenting

Does one deserve a second chance?

May 08

4:04 PM

I’m not sure what the answer to that question is. But, I’m 99.99% sure that it depends on the circumstances.

For example, my mother called me on Saturday to tell me that she has cancer and as 5-10 years to live. I said, “And?” She said, “I just thought you should know.” Again, I said, “And?”

The reason for my ands is that my mother has spent, my entire life condemning everyone to hell. In her eyes, only she is going to heaven. In her eyes, she can do dang gone well, what she wants too and it’s okay.

Growing up with her was like surviving years of abuse. My poor sister (she’s 36 now) got married at age 16 just to get away from home. She moved to Seattle and never looked back. Okay, she visited twice (for a week) and developed a giant case of denial and selective memory disorder (these two things tend to run in my family.)

As for me…well…I moved here. We use to visit at least twice a year (for a week) but only staying at my mother-in-laws. After all, my mother did not want my son’s wheelchair wheels on her floors. (She’s a saint isn’t she? )

I’m sitting here now debating how much do I tell you. I think I’ll have to think that one through. Because the description of my life with her will shock you. Trust me, you’ll be shocked.

Anyway. She wanted to let me know about her cancer as if it was going to change how I feel about her. When I tried to tell her that I have already gone down that path, she has the nerve to go, “Why didn’t you tell me?” Well…the answer is quite simple. You didn’t want to know because I am going to hell. Did you know that that is why my son is in a wheelchair? In her eyes God has punished my by punishing my son for something that I supposedly did when I was younger. Don’t really remember what it could me. Don’t really remember God being that cruel. So, you see there are little things that we disagree on. Okay, big things.

Then again, she hasn’t asked for forgiveness because in her eyes there is nothing to forgive.

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it probably wouldn't kill you

Submitted by resq on Fri, 05/30/2008 at 11:54 am.

to show a little empathy. After all, You've claimed in the past to be a Christian. You do not have to love the actions, but it wouldn't hurt you to at least tell her that you are sorry she has cancer. (5+ years?, that's a really long range prognosis, is she saying it is treatable?)

Anyway, Somewhere down the line, she will be dead, and God willing, you will still be here. If you listen to her empathically, you will never wonder whether you did the right thing. In my experience, people that act as she did probably had some problems and never got help for them. Nobody says you have to invite her to live with you in your last days. Just act like you don't hate her. Judge not...and all that stuff. imho

No, but...

Submitted by oyvey on Fri, 05/30/2008 at 6:37 am.

I've been there. Be the bigger person. Down the road you'll be glad you did. Life has a way of making us feel guilty about things where we aren't at fault. Don't give your conscience anything to use against you.