Kerry DoughertyPLAY ALONG with me.
Pretend it's early September. Local meteorologists are hysterical, preachers are praying up a storm, and CNN's Anderson Cooper has just lashed himself to a lamp post in front of your house.
This can mean just one thing: A hurricane is headed our way. You've decided to hunker down at home and tough it out.
You know you'll lose power. You don't know for how long.
So what's in your storm survival kit? I know what's in mine. Or what will be by the time we hit the heart of hurricane season.
A corkscrew, some cheap wine, candles, matches and a paperback. With those essentials, I can weather anything.
Sadly, none of my necessities made the official state list of tax-exempt hurricane supply items.
Perhaps you've heard: We're having another tax holiday in Virginia. Beginning May 25 through the 31st, hurricane and emergency supplies will be tax-free.
That means you can buy that generator you've always wanted without paying a tribute to Uncle Tim in Richmond. (Never mind that its ungodly racket will mean your less fortunate neighbors will develop tinnitus. You'll be able to watch "Wheel of Fortune," and that's all that matters.)
This also will be a great time to buy batteries, bungee cords, duct tape, radios and flashlights.
It's not, however, the time to stock up on Sterno, StarKist and soup. They didn't make the list.
"The process is fluid," Virginia Department of Taxation spokesman Joel Davison told me. "If we need to add other items next year, we will."
"Wine?" I asked hopefully.
"Alcohol would be nice," he joked, "but no."
Candles?
"Fire hazard," he replied.
He wasn't kidding. Emergency-management types cautioned the tax collectors to keep candles off the list. They think we'll set ourselves on fire.
"The minute the electricity goes off, everyone lights candles," I pointed out.
"I know," Davison sympathized.
"Candles let you save your batteries," I added.
Sorry.
"They're kind of romantic," I said.
Too bad. The experts say we're better off with flashlights.
Can you spell N-A-N-N-Y G-O-V-E-R-N-M-E-N-T?
Those who insist on stockpiling those fat white emergency candles at the hardware store will have to cough up a few cents more in sales tax. The s ame goes for matches. They didn't make the list, either.
To be fair, lots of stuff did. First-aid kits, glow sticks and cell-phone chargers. Even fire extinguishers - for those who defy authorities and light a candle, I guess.
Davison said plywood was considered, but there was concern that contractors would snap it all up during the seven-day tax holiday, leading to a shortage.
I posed one final question to Davison. A hypothetical ethical dilemma.
What if - I'm not saying I'd do this - but suppose someone was to buy a batch of batteries during the hurricane tax holiday, but then put them in their little battery powered salad dressing whipper when there's not a storm in sight.
Would that be tax fraud?
"Absolutely not," Davison assured me. "You don't have to use the items for hurricane supplies. If it's on the list, go for it."
What's this I see?
Bottled water. Just in time for summer.
Kerry Dougherty, (757) 446-2306, kerry.dougherty@cox.net
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Abuse of statistics
Dr. D, Dr. D., Dr.D...
First of all, it's hard to heat food with a wind-up flashlight. I reiterate my question as to how anyone is going to do that in a power outage situation without matches, sterno, a grill, or anything using combustible fuel. All present about the same level of fire hazard.
Second, you ought to be ashamed at the way you've abused the Hurricane Hugo statistics. According to CDC, there were 22 post-impact deaths in this country resulting from Hugo - 9 of which were caused by fires resulting from misuse of candles. What you aren't telling us is how many thousands of people during the outages used candles with no adverse consequences - which means that the risk of fire from a candle is less than a tiny fraction of one percent. Meanwhile, maybe you can tell us how many people died the same day by using other things carelessly - like automobiles. I'll bet a week's pay that it was more than nine. If you're going to use statistics, they should mean something.
The List can be viewed at:
http://www.vaemergency.com/threats/hurricane/2008taxholiday.cfm
Where's the list???????
Got an article, but no list? Can't read minds. Where do we find the information?
tax-free hurricane survival gear
Where is the list published?
candles and hurricanes
Kerry, Kerry, Kerry.
Half of the deaths from Hurricane Hugo that hit S. Carolina occurred in the days after the hurricane passed. About half of those deaths were related to chain saws. The other half were from fires started by candles.
Use wind-up flashlights. For your children's sake. Please.
Dr. D.
The Tax Holiday family
Mr. Davison must be related to the turkeys who made up the list of tax-free school items, because both exhibit the same level of twisted reasoning and government arrogance. Candles, matches, or sterno aren't emergency items? How does this talking head and his bureaucrat cronies propose in a power outage that we're going to heat the food that is rapidly spoiling as the ice in the cooler melts? How did people do it for thousands of years before Edison started generating power? We might not burn our houses down, we'll just starve or die of food poisoning. I'm glad that the list is "fluid," because obviously his level of common sense is too.
?
Battery powered salad dressing whipper?