I saw that!!!

Ahno and Porque volunteer all over town, babysit grandkids, do projects, have far too much fun saying what they think.

Category: Local life

A Bad Day.

Jun 08

7:37 AM

1) Yesterday it stopped seeming impossible. I had to accept the fact that my fellow soup kitchen chef and friend killed herself and wandered off alone into the next life. I’m not much of a crier, but at various times throughout the day, this thought overcame me. It was everything from the stray tear to bawling at the top of my lungs.

It’s been my practice throughout life that in cases of family loss, I firmly put the facts behind me and move forward. This wasn’t even family, so why did it knock me around so hard?

And I’m not exactly recovering. For whatever reason, I keep coming back to it.

Part of the problem is that I feel guilty. I should have done something to help a poor soul through trouble so intense that she chose death rather than face any more unhappiness. What kind of blockhead am I if I couldn’t see misery that big?

2) I went out to water my porch geraniums. Very carefully, I took down the second plant, knowing that it held an active nest of baby birds. But no. They were all dead. Must have been the extreme heat. My yard worker removed the sad little nest and I came indoors where I cried and couldn’t stop. What’s the matter with me that I didn’t consider birds’ and small animals’ need for water during hot weather?

I need to get busy and do something right. This useless crying has to stop. Maybe if I take the Chihuahuas for a walk. That would make two little characters happy.

View 2 comment(s) Link to post

you are not a bad person

Submitted by resq on Thu, 06/12/2008 at 10:34 am.

you are just human. Sometimes you cannot know that someone is hurting so bad that they will take their own life. Been there, lost a friend that way. Who knew? To everyone, they were a normal happy person making plans for a future.

Dead birds, what a shame, but how is that your fault? you cannot go messing with their nest, now can you? What if you would have done that and the parents refused to come back? Baby birds would have died anyway.

Sometimes you need to quit being so self sufficient and lean on others. A wise Pastor once told me that refusing to let others help you is a form of selfishness, just as sure as refusing to help others is. Maybe God is telling you that it is time for you to accept that you might actually "need" other people? God Bless. Take dear doggies for a walk, cuddle them and love them, give dearest grandchildren lots of attention, and quit being so obstinate, we all need others.

Bless you, Ahno

Submitted by carole59449 on Thu, 06/12/2008 at 10:10 am.

Please understand that you are only human. The grief you feel for your friend is to be experienced and even cherished. We all have faced losses that seem so unnecessary. My friend was killed in a bank robbery almost five years ago. I have a wonderful friend and companion now, but I still miss my old friend every day. Move on? No, I say, move aside, think about the peace that she knows now, and honor her memory. She was probably in terrible pain that you might or MIGHT NOT have been able to ease. As for the birds, well, nature is cruel sometimes. How about the thousands of deaths that have occurred recently as a result of natural disasters? There is so much to grieve for, and our American culture is readily accepting of physical illness but not emotional illness. Go on and cry, Ahno. I'm sitting here crying with you as I type this.