Had to laugh. About the man who tested six times over the legal limit when arrested for erratically driving his wheelchair.

I’ve always said that if I ever get arrested, I want it to be for something fresh. Why rob a bank? Why assault an officer? Those have been done to death. This fellow now has a rare and exotic DUI citation to frame.

What still counts as the frontier of misbehavior? Don’t know, but I’m guessing that there aren’t too many tricyclists with DUI’s. You might go for that one. I used to own an adult tricycle. Saw it out front of a sheet metal shop with a for sale sign attached.

Upon inquiry I learned that the shop humored a retired man who made extra bucks by fixing bikes he found at the curb on trash day. The sheet metal shop let this old boy use their premises, responded to customers on his behalf.

I asked, “How much?” The store guy said, “It’s been here for months with no takers. Could you go as far as a hundred dollars?” I could and did.

Later I took it to the middle school where I taught. That tricycle became one of my many rewards. The first child to correctly complete an unusually tough assignment was allowed to select a friend to ride in the basket. These two then cruised the upstairs hallways until I yelled, “Whoa.” Other teachers raged at me over such foolishness. I ignored them. Kids did miracles of hard work in order to ride my trike. If I still had that trike, I could loan it to you for your personal shot at fame as the first drunk tricyclist. Unfortunately, when I retired, I gave my trike to a fellow teacher.

Another toy I personally enjoyed as well as used for reward rides…something called The Green Machine. It looked like one of those cars used for races that end with a drag-parachute. Long, low, and lean, it went…even pedal-powered… like a rocket. I loved it and it would make a great run for the record….first motorist ever arrested for drunkenly driving a kid’s toy down Colley.

Since I no longer have the Green Machine, and since I’m too old and chubby to ride one if I bought another, you’ll have to locate your own equipment…I’m just suggesting.

Have I lost my mind? Am I promoting drunken and dangerous behavior? Uh…well. All I’m saying is that the old man in the wheel chair probably had one heck of a good time getting into trouble, and he didn’t hurt anyone. If you’re looking to whoop it up some weekend this summer, don’t get in the car. Grab your kid’s tricycle…or big wheel…pogo stick…something like that.