French romance raises highbrows

She orders caviar, lobster and champagne.

He sweats.

The menu is anything but "Priceless." The film that bears the title is all about romance in terms of dollars and sense. Since it is French, it would be more accurate to say it's about francs.

If a visit to the south of France is not in your budget this year, the film "Priceless" will serve in the meantime. Stylish in a high society kind of way, it is set amid the luxury hotels of Cannes, Biarritz and Monaco - chandeliers everywhere, hotel staff on call, an orchestra playing "Whatever Lola Wants, Lola Gets" after dinner, sunshine and bikinis. Lots of bikinis.

It would be enough without a plot, but there is most decidedly a battle of romantic wits with money at stake - kind of like it is in real life for the romantics among us who are also cynics. (In other words, folks with good sense.)

Irene, as played by doe-eyed and ultra-thin (and overrated) Audrey Tautou, is out to snag a billionaire (millionaires are passe).

She says things like, "I love to see other people working." She prefers the old ones - ones who might marry her and expire either to a quick divorce or death.

She slips when she mistakes Jean, a hotel bartender, for an ultra-rich type. Since he works at the hotel, he has a key to luxury suites. She doesn't hesitate to seduce him on what she presumes will be a cash-and-carry basis.

But.

There's that word. It comes up often in romances. When she discovers he is penniless, she dumps him.

It is unfortunate, for her, that her Sugar Daddy sees them together and calls off the wedding.

She moves on to another geezer, asking for a handbag or a designer dress. She lands a few jewels but her prospects are limited because, as she puts it: "He's been through four marriages and four divorces. He's been bled dry."

Jean, the smitten bartender, though, isn't about to give up. He follows her about. He transfers his savings account to his checking account but, still, she figures a girl needs more. There are moments when we wonder what Jean sees in her, but the character of Irene grows on us - if only because of the honesty of her crooked conniving.

She warms to him, pointing out that "charming beats looks. You can resist looks but it's hard to resist charm."

Gad Elmaleh, a French comedian who began his career in Montreal, is just right for the role of Jean. He's gaunt and certainly not a pretty boy but he's earnest and persistent in his pursuit. He plays the role straight - not for laughs.

It is quite believable when he is picked up by a rich woman (the stylish and impressive Marie-Christine Adam) and becomes a big-time gigolo on his own. The older woman gives him an expensive diamond watch but things begin to pall when she also gives him a set of weights. Hint. Hint.

Jean's new gigolo status attracts Irene. Suddenly, they are equals.

Director Pierre Salvadori must have been dreaming when he claimed this movie is a "rethinking" of "Breakfast at Tiffany's." It doesn't have that kind of sentiment. Most of all, it doesn't have Audrey Hepburn, but it does have a style and a look all its own - as well as an edge that would challenge accountants more than poets.

In the process, there are lots and lots of umbrellas - the little paper umbrellas that adorn cocktails at expensive bars.

This is a champagne movie, not a beer movie.

Mal Vincent, (757) 446-2347, mal.vincent@pilotonline.com