Most men have them hidden away in the backs of their closets. The green necktie from their college graduation, the bib-sized beauty with the geometric pattern that induces seasickness if stared at too long.
Those ties might come back in fashion one day. It would be a shame to throw them away. But they're safely out of sight and - more importantly - out of reach. Virginia legislators seem to have a similar fond nostalgia for unconstitutional laws. Sure, meddling justices in the U.S. Supreme Court insist some of Virginia's statutes are outdated, but they've been on the books so long it seems wrong to toss them out.
Legislators are less conscientious about keeping their fuddy-duddy laws sorted and separated from the real ones. They're sprinkled throughout the Code of Virginia, just waiting for an unwitting police officer to try and enforce them.
Such was the case when Norfolk police charged rapper Raymond "Boots" Riley with public profanity for his naughty lyrics at a Norfolk festival.
The state law making "profane swearing" a class 4 misdemeanor, punishable by a fine up to $250, is right there in volume 4 of the state code. The footnotes reference law review articles and cases from the 1960s and '70s, but that tiny print is hard to read, and there's no mention of the 19-year-old ruling by the Virginia Court of Appeals, which made the statute void.
That's not the only unconstitutional law proudly preserved for posterity in Virginia. The state code declares it illegal for unmarried couples to have sex. Cohabitation, sodomy and flag-burning are still outlawed in the Old Dominion. And don't even think about unloading or loading oysters from a boat on Sunday. Tobacco warehouses must keep the Sabbath holy, too, although legislators have recently acquired enlightenment about Sunday sales at state-owned liquor stores in large cities.
Why is this legislative litter still lurking in state code?
Like tacky ties, there's a chance they may one day be back in fashion. After all, Justice John Paul Stevens is 88. If Justice Antonin Scalia can get just one more conservative in his bloc, Virginia's bawdy courts could be back in business by Lent.
In the meantime, the state's police officers could use a little help sorting the wheat from the chaff in Virginia's criminal code.
Several years ago, Del. David Albo proposed a separate section devoted to the state's unconstitutional but beloved laws. If that proves too complicated, perhaps a simple logo in the margin would be in order. Might we suggest a frowny-faced Thomas Jefferson?
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