From the halls of Monticello to the playing fields of today

Kids still try to get their parents on this one: So, Dad, does England have a Fourth of July? Dad, of course, must dutifully report that England certainly does not have a Fourth of July, because everybody knows Thomas Jefferson exclusively copyrighted that phrase for America in 1776. Duh.

Jefferson came up with a lot of phrases out there at Monticello, when he wasn't planting peas or insulting the King of England in print. Fascinating, forward-thinking stuff like, "When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on."

And, "We never repent of having eaten too little," although it's obvious Jefferson never had the tamales at Luna Maya.

Anyway, I got to wondering how the movers, shakers and insufferable Ocho Cincos of our sports world would fare if they suddenly asked themselves WW(T)JD when confronted with a physical or behavioral challenge.

For instance, the next time Dallas Cowboys defensive lineman Tank Johnson, who has been known to pack an arsenal, gets tangled up in gun trouble, he should unleash a little Jefferson on the arresting officer:

"No free man should ever be debarred the use of arms." Let them argue with that one.

Take Shaquille O'Neal. He's washed up. Yet he's out there profanely mocking the NBA's best player, Kobe Bryant, in some New York nightclub. When somebody shoves a microphone into the big man's mitts, he'd find he's a better man if he sampled this Jeffersonian-ism:

"When angry, count to 10 before you (freestyle). If very angry, a hundred."

Plus, counting helps the successful DJ keep the beat. Deep breath, Shaq!

Now, no offense, but paid professionals have been working for years to improve the defense of Chesapeake big leaguers B.J. and Justin Upton. Yet a look at fielding statistics shows Arizona's Justin first among MLB rightfielders with eight errors, and Tampa Bay's B.J. leading centerfielders with seven.

Perhaps it's time their managers scratched their chins and calmly intoned T.J., extolling patience, after their next air-mailed throw: "Delay is preferable to error."

Also on the diamond, I wonder whether Philly's Ryan Howard and Arizona's Mark Reynolds, who's from Virginia Beach, might be making fundamental mistakes every time they come to the plate.

Howard leads the majors with 115 strikeouts; Reynolds is second with 99 whiffs. And I'm thinking Jefferson had to know what he was talking about when he advised, "Always take hold of things by the smooth handle."

So maybe Reynolds just needs to check his grip.

I admit I haven't read everything written on Jefferson. But I'm pretty sure the man never made headlines for making it rain at a strip club or operating a horse while intoxicated.

That tells me the modern athlete with Benjamins falling out of his pockets would do well to keep this tidbit folded inside his money clip: "Do not bite at the bait of pleasure till you know there is no hook beneath it."

Lest you think this is all just moldy philosophy, Portsmouth's LaShawn Merritt is living proof that taking Jefferson's uncanny counsel is good for the soul, and the wallet: "Walking is the best possible exercise. Habituate yourself to walk very fast."

Merritt, who races world No. 1 Jeremy Wariner tonight in the 400 meters at the Olympic Trials, clearly mastered the fast-walking part years ago. He then just habituated himself to run very fast.

All the better, it seems to me.