The Stationary Haddock

"A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle."  Widely attributed to feminist Gloria Steinem in the 1970's, this quote was met by the male response: "Yes, but who needs a stationary haddock?" According to the Stationary Haddock, the answer to that question is: "four animals, for starters!"

The Stationary Haddock, formerly The Shopping Diet Chick, is raising two dogs and two birds in Norfolk.  She has been compared to a peanut butter and jelly sandwich: sweet and nutty.

Men in Skirts and Stuff

 Hey you guys!  First off, I'd like to say, if you need to forget all about the drama in your life, get on the phone and get your hiney out!  I'm so glad I did.  Remember poop-dom?  F'get about it.   I'm like a new person.  A few weeks ago, I was complaining about how my summer sucked, and how I had yet to have that "best day of the summer"-- you know, the one that stands out every year.  Last summer's "best day" was kayaking with Tracie.  This summer- eh- nothing really to write home about- except maybe the crab-fest I had with my sistas.  That was until this past weekend.  It wasn't the best day of the summer, but the best three and 1/2 days of the summer.  It started Thursday night and went on through Sunday evening.  So many stupid stories... My only sibling and my friend Ray are idiots.

Moving along, though, today's story didn't even happen this past weekend.  It happened two weekends ago when my idiot friend Ray and I were at a bar in my 'hood.  This group of cute, young boys walked in.  Two of them were wearing kilts.  Yes, kilts.  Of course everyone turned around to stare, as did we, so one of the gents came up and introduced himself in a Scottish accent.   "That is SUCH a fake accent," I moaned.  "No, no it's not lass," he replied,  "we're visiting with the Royal Navy."  After a while, it became clear that they really were with the Royal Navy so I had to ask about the kilts.  "We wear them to show our patriotism- and  we may even wear them back at home to the market..."  What they meant to say is, "We wear them to attract attention and meet girls."  Sadly for them, I was an old bird hanging out with a dude, but they seemed to enjoy talking to us, anyway.  What a friendly, lively, not to mention absolutely cute-as-a-button bunch!  Totally need to move to Scotland.  Let me write that down on my list of things to do.

If you know me at all, you can guess what's next.  I HAD to know what they wore under the kilts.  At the St. Patrick's Day shin-dig in my neighborhood three years ago, I lifted the kilt some guy was wearing and he had on biker shorts underneath.  They don't even wear kilts in Ireland, so that guy needed to get a clue.

So when I asked one of the young boys what he had on underneath the pleated wool, he said, "Why don't you have a look for yourself?" Because I'm curious as a clam and would never back down from a dare, I carefully lifted up the skirt and... well...um...well...uh--- nothing.  There was nothing under the kilt except the "goods"!  WOOooow... So I did some research, and as it turns out, a whopping 69% of Scottish men choose to go commando under those kilts- so it wasn't just a "prop" or "props", shall we say.  So now you know.  And so do I.  And I'll never have to ask again.  Honestly, I didn't think anyone could embarrass me- but I probably turned two shades of red that night!  Well,  no, not really.  Like I said, I don't embarrass easily.  Just take a look at my rendition of "Vacation" in this video clip:  (You have to suffer to the end because they saved the biggest idiot for last!- Oh but then you'll REALLY have to suffer... Happy suffering!) 

 link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid1407913580/bclid1410385499/bctid1691257839

 

 

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