Maybe something rubs them the wrong way

Outbreak While Virginia's coaches are scratching their heads over how to beat highly ranked Southern Cal on Aug. 30, Trojans players are just scratching themselves. About 25 percent of the USC athletes are suffering from "jock itch," some so badly that they've had to miss practice. Coach Pete Carroll blames the compression shorts his players wear under their football pants, but nobody can say the Trojans aren't itching to get the season started.

Kid's stuff Watching women's gymnastics from Beijing, two words sprung to my mind: child abuse. Can you blame me?

Tale of tape The average size of the members of the Chinese women's gymnastics team is 4-foot -9, 77 pounds. Yao Ming owns cuff links larger than that.

Look who's talking Commenting on China's transparent use of underage mini-gymnasts, NBC analyst Bela Karolyi said, "They are using half-people." When Karolyi becomes the voice of reason in gymnastics, you know the sport is hopelessly warped.

Miffed Medal-winning American swimmers not named Michael Phelps wouldn't be human if they weren't a little bent out of shape because their accomplishments are being badly overshadowed by the Baltimore gold mine - and relatively ignored by the media.

Wondering Giants receiver Plaxico Burress, who's dealing with nagging ankle issues, says he'll be ready for the Redskins on Sept. 4, but after practicing for the first time this week, how sharp can he expect to be?

Overlooked The Jets' signing of Brett Favre, and the circus that created, has helped relieve the defending champion Giants of a lot of preseason media static.

TV timeout Green Bay's CBS affiliate will feed an obsession and help fans pick at a scab by blitzing the Packers market with Jets telecasts.

Screening If you hope to catch Favre against the Redskins tonight, don't tune in late; No. 4 is expected to take eight to 12 snaps before putting up his feet.

Age gauge Are you sitting still for Olympic commercial breaks? If so, you've seen Nike's "I've got soul, but I'm not a soldier" spot. I like to think I've got soul, and I'm clearly not a soldier, but I don't have a clue what those lyrics are supposed to mean. Or what they've got to do with athletics.

Name game When you watch Kobe, LeBron and the rest of Team USA competing against basketball players from all parts of the globe, it highlights the vanity and parochialism of a country that sees fit to call its NBA titlist "World Champions." Even Americans know that the world isn't that small.

Compulsive If you bet money on NFL preseason games, you just might want to locate the nearest Gamblers Anonymous meeting.

Fried The best medicine for Roger Federer, a loser again at the Olympics, would be a long vacation. Too bad for him, then, that tennis has no real offseason.

McBrat The old - or is it true? - John McEnroe re-emerged at a senior s tennis tournament in Newport, R.I., when the cereal pitchman and TV analyst was defaulted after cursing, arguing with the chair umpire and flashing obscene gestures at fans. Imagine a 49-year-old man flipping off the crowd. That's bad form, even for a New Yorker. Here's my explanation for his outburst: McEnrant thought it was turn-back-the-clock day.

Bob Molinaro, (757) 446-2373, bob.molinaro@pilotonline.com