New Woody Allen film is talky but smart

Free love is not free.

There are complications, albeit surprisingly minor ones, when a suave painter named Juan Antonio picks up two American-tourist yuppies in Barcelona and his wild ex-wife shows up at the door after attempting suicide.

It's a Woody Allen movie, which means some of you will stop reading here while others will start panting with anticipation. Allen has a way of separating people into pro and con camps. You have to admit, though, that no one, even after all these years, makes movies with quite the intelligent spin that he does.

Of course, there are people who resent smarty yuppies who sit on sun-drenched Spanish patios and discuss tennis and boating over red wine. Many of them are painters, writers and musicians trying to find something, maybe each other, as they talk about love, sex and creation. Some folks resent them, but don't they notice that Allen is actually mocking these people? And often in lethal doses that point out the excess of their self-absorption?

In any case, some of us would rather hang out with this crowd than with the mindless stoners of "Pineapple Express" or the slobs in "Step Brothers." We're the audience for "Vicky Cristina Barcelona," something of a return to real Woody Allen dialogue after his dalliance with actual plots in his trilogy of movies filmed in London.

Javier Bardem, after winning the Oscar for "No Country for Old Men," aims for American stardom (particularly with the ladies) in his role as the painter. Seemingly, there isn't enough of him to go around for his three leading ladies. Upon spotting Scarlett Johansson as a sexually loose blonde named Cristina and Rebecca Hall as her friend, an uptight, careful brunette named Vicky, he casually tries a line to the effect of: "Life is short, dull and full of pain. The three of us, we can drink good wine, eat good food, make love, the three of us."

He makes it clear neither girl is excluded. They take off in his private plane.

Watch with delight how Hall, as Vicky, steals the movie. She's the daughter of famed stage director Peter Hall and American opera singer Maria Ewing. Vicky is smitten by Juan Antonio, but she isn't going to be a pushover. She can't stand disorder. Besides, she's engaged. She plays by the rules - others' rules.

Cristina is not so confined. She claims, most likely accurately, that she has no talent but calls herself a photographer. She likes sex but has no great illusions about a happy ending. She moves in with Juan Antonio to the dismay of Vicky, who is watching from afar.

Cristina doesn't know what she wants. She just knows what she doesn't want. Her theory seems to be that she'll try out every man in sight and, in the process, she just might meet Mr. Right.

Hall's control of the movie is interrupted with the arrival of Penelope Cruz as Juan's crazy ex-wife. It seems she tried to stab him to death during their break-up. Now she's tried to kill herself, and he's moving her back into the house, with new girlfriend Cristina. Cruz has had a dismal career in Hollywood but seems to turn into a lively personality when she speaks her native Spanish.

With her arrival, this becomes your basic two girls, one man and one woman romantic comedy. It's nice to have a woman around the house. She firmly believes that only unfulfilled love can spark true romance and that, as a result, she'll always be numero uno with Juan.

Is she correct?

With the help of a pesky narrator, who tells us what everyone is thinking, "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" is mostly talk.

But it's smart, witty and sometimes hilarious talk.

Mal Vincent, (757) 446-2347, mal.vincent@pilotonline.com