Sadie, observing my room here at the farm, said, “That’s beautiful, Ahno.  Is it for me?” 

She’s used to coming to my house, seeing something she likes, asking for it, and being told, “Of course, baby. You’re a princess.”

So, did I give up my bedroom?  No.  We don’t have unlimited bedrooms.  Sadie, although a princess, has to share.

Benny and Sadie are being raised in such a way that they expect appreciation, rewards, congratulation, support, enthusiasm for their interests.  Each of them feels him/herself at the center of the universe.  If I live so long, I’ll be interested to see how they turn out as adults. Will this childhood produce super-confident people, empire-builders?

Years ago I bought the Harry Potter book of wizard crafts for young mages.  Yesterday Benny found it, brought it downstairs, “Hey, look at the directions for this great wizard hat. I want to make it.”  For this reason, later in the day we visited a store where he found necessary supplies, came home, and ….with his mother’s help…made two hats, one for himself and one for Sadie.  That’s how it goes. His wish is his mother’s command.

While I fully support this scheme of things, I wonder.  How’s it gonna turn out? 

I was raised in such an opposite way that I might have grown up on a different planet.

My childhood was peppered with, “HUSH!  Children should be seen and not heard.  Be quiet; whatever it is, no one wants to hear it.”  “When I enter a room, if you’re sitting on my favorite chair, you hop up and disappear.”  “If I have to tell you twice, you’ll spend the rest of the day in your bed with no lunch or supper.” 

If I were ever so stupid as to talk back, I was getting spanked before the last word was out of my mouth. I never asked for anything because I was told that my parents knew what I needed and would supply it.  Anything else?  I was only one person in the family and a child at that.  Whining/asking/begging…would have led to immediate spanking.  AND a lecture about my terrible selfishness, “You are the most selfish child I have ever seen.  Some day there’ll be a payday for such behavior and I hope I’m there to see it”…that’s a Mother quote.

From age four, I earned all my new shoes by learning long passages of poetry/scripture assigned by my mother. A couple of weeks ago Sadie and I were in a store where she saw shoes she liked and asked for them.  Without giving the matter any thought at all, I agreed.

I remember being very grateful to my mother for noticing that I needed paper.  I didn’t dare to ask but I went through a lot of paper and needed  constant re-supply.  Mother arranged with the local newspaper to occasionally deliver a hundred-weight of newspaper-page-cut sheets to our house.  Mother kept me fully supplied with art supplies and new books. I never asked, but I didn’t need to.  Mother saw and took care of the situation.

On the other hand, she decreed that my glue requirements were unreasonable.  For this reason, I figured out how to do slot construction for the many, many cardboard buildings I made during my growing up years. Once Mother said, “Too much glue.  This is ridiculous,” that was the final word on the subject of glue.

My parents were extremely busy, active people whose interests extended beyond the family circle.  While they loved me, I most definitely was not number one with them.  Each of them had an agenda and they expected me to grow up with the same attitude, “What I should accomplish comes first. I and the people I love come second.”

I was a very well taken care of child who kept my mouth shut, who had to earn extras, who didn’t ask for anything, who behaved in a self-deprecating way.  Sadie and Benny are very well taken care of children who never shut their mouths, who ask for whatever occurs to them, and who are expected to be at all times the center of their parents’ attention.

I grew up a person who gets out of others’ way. I’ve been known to bump into a chair and to instantly, automatically apologize. If I want to do something but others want to do something else, I don’t even mention what I had in mind. Will Sadie and Benny be that way?  I very much doubt it…and that may be a good thing.

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