After Kelly Wilson's son Nicholas died of sudden infant death syndrome in February 2005, she didn't know how to answer the well- meaning questions from strangers.
A year after Nicholas' death, Kelly and her husband, Jay, found out they were expecting again. And when curious strangers asked if this was her first baby, the Kings Grant native didn't quite know what to say.
"Do you say one, and feel guilty of not mentioning the other one?" Wilson said. "I always felt guilty. I had a problem dealing with all of that."
And it wasn't just the simple questions Wilson had trouble dealing with. When she was expecting her son, Landen, she didn't know if she should use the same bassinet, the same car seat or clothes.
It wasn't until her mother found out about a local support group, the Virginia SIDS Alliance, that Wilson found the answers she was looking for, and stopped feeling guilty.
Group members told her SIDS is not preventable. They told her research shows that SIDS babies have trouble regulating their serotonin levels, which can lead to problems with breathing.
Hearing that gave Wilson some measure of comfort and she said she is grateful she found out about the organization.
"We're a small group," Wilson said. "There's under 30 parents that I know of that are a part of this group. But families need this kind of support because you're talking to parents who have gone through the same thing."
It's one of the reasons Wilson wants to support the Virginia SIDS Alliance. Friday, at Lori's Barbershop, 3621 Pacific Ave., Suite 110, Wilson has arranged a local fundraiser to benefit the statewide organization.
From 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., the five barbers at the Oceanfront business will be donating their services - and tips - to help raise the money.
Lori Newton, the shop owner and Wilson's sister, is hopeful the fundraiser will generate about $2,000 in proceeds. Haircuts will be $14 - the normal price - but customers can pay more.
Some of the money will go toward the Alliance's annual fundraising goal. Terry Newman, a Kempsville resident and president of the Virginia SIDS Alliance, said each year the group tries to donate $10,000 to fund SIDS research.
"It's a good cause," Newton said. "My sister really did go through a tough time. She still isn't over it even though it's been a couple of years."
Nicholas died one day before his three-month birthday. The week before his death, Newton babysat for her nephew and she remembers his coloring seemed off a few times, when he awoke from naps crying. She took him into a steamy bathroom, Newton said, and he seemed better afterward.
Aside from that, she failed to remember a time when her nephew was crying or colicky.
"He was too perfect," Wilson said. "He never cried for anything, not for a bottle, not even when he was wet. He dropped out of heaven."
Rita Frankenberry, 222-5102, rita.frankenberry@pilotonline.com
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