Don't be fooled by 'spontaneity' - it was all conventional

Tropical Storm Hanna, twirling around town as I write this, was just a gentle breeze compared with the great gusts of hot air created by partisan windbags during the last fortnight.

Frankly, it's refreshing. This spirited little cyclone was the first unscripted event on TV since delegates descended on Denver.

Because, when you strip away the signs, the speeches and the slogans, when you look beyond the flags and the funny hats at these week long infomercials, the national political conventions are nothing more than TV productions cooked up by political philistines to telegraph subliminal messages.

For instance, Democrats want you to think their convention was about change. It wasn't.

And Republicans want you to think their convention was about putting country first. Not really.

The subtle message of Denver was "Barack Obama Loves America."

And the real theme in St. Paul was "John McCain Isn't George Bush."

Americans will vote only for a candidate they believe is patriotic. The Democratic extravaganza was a slick exercise to allay any fears of the Obamas.

It's also true that America will not vote to give the Bush camp four more years to get it right. So the party set out to convince voters that John McCain is a different kind of Republican.

And Hurricane Gustav was a gift. It rained on the opening night and blew the president and Dick Cheney offstage.

The danger in political conventions is in forgetting these are television shows. From the speakers (and those not allowed to speak) to the signs permitted in the room, these are scripted events with no risky ad-libbing.

Delegates are mere extras, dutifully waving whatever goofy sign is handed to them and rabidly cheering every time their state is mentioned.

(Incidentally, how do perfectly normal people, who hear the word "Virginia" hundreds of times a day without reacting, turn into raving lunatics when someone utters the V-word at a convention? Weird.)

Here's an example of the lengths political parties will go to in order to seduce viewers.

Perhaps you've noticed those hand-lettered signs that folks in the cheap seats wave. You know, the colorful "Vets uE0A4 Obama" and "Hispanics uE0A4 McCain" poster boards. Ever wondered how they smuggle these things in, when the doors to the conventions are thick with security and all sorts of contraband are strictly forbidden?

On the final night of the Republican convention, when I spied campaign workers handing out these faux-amateur signs, it hit me: Somewhere in the bowels of the convention centers are armies of artistically impaired volunteers with tempera paints.

They mass-produce silly signs that the TV cameras will caress to show unwitting viewers this is a spontaneous love fest.

It's enough to make you long for an impromptu storm.

Kerry Dougherty, (757) 446-2306, kerry.dougherty@cox.net