I just watched MTV’s video music awards. And why would I do a thing like that? Because I thought it was the show where each year disappointed nominees get angry and fight each other. Which didn’t happen. But anyway, I have a few reflections based on tonight’s performances.

1) The rapper known as Little Kim seems to be a nostalgic look back down the path of evolution…one hand constantly clutching his crotch, maintaining a stooped posture, pants falling off, incomprehensible gibberish pouring from his mouth.

2) The less important music becomes, the more singers have to invest in other ways to hold an audience. None of tonight’s music would have kept an audience paying attention absent visual effects and frantic gymnastics.

3) The MC was thoroughly disgusting. Jordin Sparks’ gave him a well-deserved smack down.

4) The vastly popular Jonas brothers looked nice but sounded like little girls in kindergarten. I never heard them before. Maybe that’s their signature sound.

5) The Pussycat Dolls, featured in a Bally’s commercial, won a dance award. Their time in the gym seems to have paid off. Actually, success in the music industry seems to have little to do with musical ability. It’s more about physical fitness. Singers do hectic routines that would kill the average person.

6) Britney Spears won three awards. I was thinking, “Those who vote for the winners must have felt sorry for her.” Then Perez Hilton was interviewed and said, “I voted for her because she needs encouragement.” Aha.

7) How about all those performers thanking God for their awards? Reminds me of that Bible bit, “He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh.” Imagine God being proud of foul-mouthed, toneless, repetitive drivel.

8) Paris Hilton presented an award as a way to advertise her new reality show on MTV, "Become Paris Hilton's New Best Friend Forever." Now, don't y'all hurt yourselves rushing to Hollywood so you can be on that program.