60 second review: Shwayze at the NorVa

Or should I say: 'When skinny jeans attack.'

(Before we go on, are these not everywhere now? Don't you love how all we could talk about was skinny jeans two years ago and everyone thought we were wack but now everyone's rocking them? Of course, we're over them now and on to something else...)

For reals, you couldn't turn around without seeing a skinny jean, graphic Tee and high-top sneaker -- all worn together, natch. Cute, but a bit of sensory overload when walking into an army of skater mini-me's. Especially when we arrived, tired, to see opening act Tyga on stage, hopping around unexplainably. We suddenly felt Jurassic when he said, 'I just turned 18!" and everyone screamed in approval. He went on to announce that he's voting for Barack Obama, which got all the kids -- literally kids; it looked like a random sampling of every high school in Tidewater was there -- hyped. Then he and some other guy, wearing an Obama mask, did a song, "Obama" to the beat of Lil Wayne's "A Milli." The sentiment was cute, and everyone seemed to be into it, even though all you could make out was the chorus ("Obamaobamaobamaobama") which, again, was to the beat of "A Milli." It was like we'd flashed into the future, trying to be that 'cool Dad' attending a concert with our child. (I dare you to listen to that song longer than 45 seconds.)

We suddenly felt like we'd made a dreadful mistake. Pangs of anxiety sprung up. 'Did I DVR "The New Adventures of Old Christine? Oh wait, that's on Wednesday now. Am I missing 'Gossip Girl' for this?" We kept looking around for puddles of puke, convinced one of these precious youngings would soon prove he or she couldn't hold their liquor. Amateurs!

Things got better right away after Tyga left. DJ Skeet Skeet (I can't) kept the crowd warm by playing Diplo/M.I.A. styled Baltimore booty-bass/baile funk, which was pretty dope. I wouldn't mind hearing that all night.

Then, out came Shwayze. Don't feel bad if you don't much about them. They're very L.A., very Malibu rap. One of the guys in the group is Cisco Adler, who is probably better known for having his droopy, um...junk exposed on the web by Perez Hilton. Anyway, they were pretty good. Their music is to put it mildly, out there. It's laid back but then fast at the same time; lyrically, it leans towards the excessively sophomoric -- the references to sex and drugs are in your face and brash. It's like 'Porky's' or more appropriately for this generation, 'American Pie' set to music. They're probably in the same leauge as Peaches or Spank Rock, groups you probably don't want your kids listening to, even though they are. 

Anyway, their set was good. Then we went home to watch CNN. 

*That's Shwayze in the photo. Sorry about the quality. Who am I, Demarchelier?

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