'The Dumbest Generation'? Hold on there, Mr. Einstein!

If you're UNDER the age of 30, don't even bother reading this article.

It's above you. It's too sophisticated.

You probably don't even know what sophisticated means. After all, you're under 30 and most likely have a limited vocabulary.

No. Please come back. I kid.

The reason for all the faux-snootiness today is because Mark Bauerlein, author of the book "The Dumbest Generation," is in town, and I hate to be the one to tell you this, but here's a news flash, genius: If you're under 30, you're part of it.

Oof.

Tom Brokaw called our grandparents "The Greatest Generation," and now, just two branches down on the family tree, we've been reduced to this, The Dumbest Generation. To top it off, the subtitle of Bauerlein's book reads: "Or Don't Trust Anyone Under 30."

To which the appropriate response is: whatever.

See, Bauerlein's argument is that young folks, specifically those under 30, are becoming too immersed in technology. They're spending too much time on iTunes and cell phones and social networking sites. They're too fascinated with each other and not with the bigger issues of the world or even their own communities. They're not developing refined taste or reading or even learning how to function as basic human beings with adequate conversation skills outside of their peer groups.

In short, Bauerlein's premise that young folks aren't as smart as they used to be makes him sound like a grumpy old man who wants you off his lawn. It's too bad because he's only 49.

"For there to be some tension between the generations, old and young, is natural," he told me when we talked over the phone last week.

But first, a few facts about Bauerlein.

He doesn't have an iPod.

He doesn't maintain a Facebook or MySpace page. Well, at least not one he knows how to use. (Coincidentally, there is a Facebook group countering "The Dumbest Generation" charge. It has 97 members.)

His favorite YouTube video is any old footage of Thelonious Monk.

A critic of adult adolescence, he's never seen a Judd Apatow movie, such as "The 40-Year-Old Virgin," "Knocked Up" or "Superbad."

Finally, in the spirit of pure self-indulgence, I asked him if he thought boot-cut jeans will make me look fat. He said I'd have to check with my friends.

At least he has a sense of humor.

Bauerlein will speak Thursday at Old Dominion University as part of American Education Week. I asked why anyone on a college campus, most of whom are under 30, would want to show up and listen to the degradation of their peers. After all, most of The Dumbest Generation doesn't like to read books (or newspapers), he says. Most don't even like to read online. According to his book, a quarter of 18- to 24-year-olds couldn't identify Vice President Dick Cheney.

Bauerlein tried reverse psychology by saying that those young people who attend his lectures help prove him wrong. He likes provoking students.

Maybe more importantly, Bauerlein said, he is interested in helping parents and teachers. By unplugging students from the hand-held devices and flat screens for an hour a day, they could concentrate instead on reading or conversations.

It's a perfectly satisfactory and laudable goal.

But the idea that this generation is stupid is, um, what's another word for stupid?

More than a decade ago, half as many high school students in Virginia passed Algebra I as today. The National Assessment of Educational Progress shows scores for young students in math and reading have improved significantly since 1973.

When it comes to news, The Dumbest Generation watches MSNBC as regularly as the 65 and older group, listens to radio news at nearly an identical rate and reads more news online than any age group 50 and over.

And then there was that whole election thing earlier this month, when, according to the Center for Information and Research on Civic Learning and Engagement, turnout for voters under 30 increased 11 percent over that of the 2000 contest.

I saw the best minds of my generation judged prematurely.

I'm 31. You can trust me.

So if students don't show up for Bauerlein's lecture Thursday, it won't be because they were fooled by the hyperbole (or as the author says, humor) in his book's title or because they're indifferent to the label.

"Guiding Light" is on.

Duh.

Mike Gruss, (757) 446-2277, mike.gruss@pilotonline.com