Chowan University's cheesiest news source majors in mayhem

MURFREESBORO, N. C.

The only student newspaper serving Chowan University endorsed Barack Obama and John McCain, sent $100 to the Ralph Nader campaign and noted that voters should greet a "Commie" faculty member with "Aye!"

Those rock-solid, nonpartisan endorsements were as meaningful as an empty soup can since the Election Day edition came out two days after Nov. 4's historic vote.

This tack may surprise some, considering this North Carolina university south of Franklin, Va., is a conservative Southern Baptist school with about 1,000 students.

But that's what makes Historically Incorrect that much more endearing to - and widely read by - Chowan's faculty, staff and students.

Historically Incorrect doesn't mince words.

One political ad suggested voting for change: "Instead of a six trillion dollar deficit... hell, just make it twelve. Vote Socialist... I mean Democrat..."

Another: "Murfreesboro Senior Citizens Home is proud to call John McCain one of its own. Vote for extremely old. And vote for balding."

This ad also featured an endorsement from "Ethel, 84," who noted, "John McCain was so sexy at Bingo night."

The "Election 08 Edition" also urged voters to elect "Communist Party leader" Gregory Taylor, an assistant history professor who "led a Communist protest outside the White House last Wednesday."

So who's the head joke writer, uh, editor of this paper?

Meet Lance Jenkins - the paper's editor, director, chief writer and head bottle washer, if necessary.

He calls Historically Incorrect his "pet project," reviving it after a two-year hiatus.

Jenkins, 21, a likable, tall, curly haired, brimming-with-confidence young man, comes complete with an Obama-esque timetable for success,

"After Chowan I'm going to law school, then I'll go into politics. Then, I'd like to be a mayor, then a governor, then become president."

Before that, though, this history major will take on Chowan one article at a time.

Jenkins rocks gently on the front porch of the McDowell Columns Building, the school's headquarters.

He describes Historically Incorrect as an equal opportunity "picker on-er."

"We make fun of everybody," Jenkins says, with a cat-ate-the-canary grin.

"Lloyd Lee Wilson is our favorite target. He's the school registrar, and he's been in every issue except one.

"He's a good sport - no harm is done, and everyone has a good laugh," Jenkins says. "He's the coolest person ever."

Wilson, aka Mr. Cool, joins the conversation, stroking his extremely ample beard.

Historically Incorrect recently noted that Wilson got fired up when his beard did.

"It caught fire during a birthday party. He leaned over and got too near the candles," says Josh Barker, director of Chowan University Relations. "Things like that make him an easy target."

Wilson played a prominent part in the election edition, which cheerfully reported that he was asked by McCain to replace vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin. Wilson magnanimously offered to "ride Palin back to Alaska in horse and buggy."

The pair's slogan: "McCain 4 U and Long Beard too."

All, of course, is in jest.

The jokes don't stop with the faculty.

Students who walk outside to puff cigarettes were targeted by the paper.

"We used a picture of an atom bomb and noted that the building seemed to have exploded," Jenkins says. "It wasn't an explosion. The appearance was due to their smoking habits."

A sorority got upset about the story, so much so that a group sat in front of Jenkins Hall (no relation) and smoked.

Those students had the final word. A poll showed only 16 percent of the sorority's members smoke, Jenkins says.

Historically Incorrect also has a features section, of sorts.

Jenkins discusses his movies and promotes their "world premieres" at Chowan's Turner Auditorium in the paper.

The first flick was "Pirates of the Meherrin" (a nearby river). A few months later, there was "Sweeney Ballew, Demon Tailor of Union Street. "

The movies come complete with trailers and are rated G - for "great." Yes, they're real.

So, is anyone off-limits for Jenkins and his paper?

He says he's had the good sense to seldom pick on the school's president, Christopher White.

"I only mentioned him a couple times. I need him for a letter of recommendation."

But the school year is only half over.

Frank Roberts, froberts73@yahoo.com