Congressional fogeys need love, too

As I shuffle toward geezerdom - I recently turned 46 - I'm alternately grateful that the gods did not smite me down for any one of the innumerable stupid things I did in my youth and discomfited that there's no statute of limitations, or age limit, on smite-worthy stupidity.

Mostly, though, I shuffle. And, more and more, I snarl.

A couple of days ago, for instance, my lip curled reflexively and I emitted a low, rumbling growl as I began reading about a new "generation gap" in Washington, D.C.

According to USA Today, our current Congress - average age 57 in the House and 63 in the Senate - is the oldest in our nation's history.

Surfing across this sea of wrinkles is, of course, Barack Obama, who at age 47 is about to become one of youngest presidents in our nation's history.

Chronologically speaking, I suppose I stand on Obama's side of this alleged generation gap. After all, we're roughly the same age. Had we attended the same school - or madrassa, if that happens to be your pet conspiracy theory - he and I would have grown up firing spitballs at each other's freakishly big ears.

But instead I now find myself rising, creakily, to the defense of our congressional fogeys and fogeyettes.

I'm outraged that USA Today would imply that the U.S. Capitol's elderly denizens will have trouble relating to the hip, young Obama and his peers.

Balderdash! Poppycock! Tommyrot!

Sorry, I must have been channeling Robert Byrd there for a moment.

The West Virginia Democrat, as you may know, is the oldest member of Congress. He is 91 and, quite obviously, driving up the average age.

But he's not the only wizened one in Washington. There are octogenarians in both chambers, including 82-year-old Michigan Democrat John Dingell in the House and 84-year-old Hawaiian Democrat Daniel Inouye in the Senate.

As USA Today notes, even the retirement of Virginia Republican Sen. John Warner and the ouster of Alaska Republican Sen. Ted Stevens - both in their 80s - couldn't make a dent in the average.

I, for one, do not see a problem here. Age and experience, as Obama's opponents reminded us repeatedly during the campaign, are invaluable.

And many of the so-called detriments of age - such as memory loss, which I'm beginning to experience myself - might actually be beneficial on Capitol Hill.

Consider, for instance, the possibility that Stevens might still be in office today if he hadn't grown a little sloppy and forgetful about his corruptness.

And who knows? Sen. Byrd might slip up one of these days and send a multimillion-dollar pork project to a state other than West Virginia. I think Virginia, being extra neighborly, has a vested interest in wanting the old guy to hang around.

But, purely for the sake of argument, let's say this generation gap is real and should be bridged. Since we can't make Obama older than he is, we'd have to lower the average age of Congress.

We're in luck. As it happens, there are several seats open in Congress. There's a Senate seat for sale in Illinois, for example, and another one in New York that hasn't been awarded, at least yet, to Caroline Kennedy.

What if we were to bend the Constitution a bit, Cheney-like, and lower the minimum age of eligibility for service in Congress? What if we were to appoint a couple of children to serve?

In New York, the governor could bypass Kennedy because of, you know, her squeamishness about, you know, answering questions. In her place, the guv could name a kid from the next generation of the Kennedy clan.

And in Illinois, it appears Gov. Rod Blagojevich has provided an easy choice for his replacement. According to the feds, Blago once threatened to cut off funding to a children's hospital after its CEO failed to comply with a "request" for a $50,000 campaign contribution.

So let's name one of the hospital's patients - pick a kid, any kid - to serve in the Senate.

I don't know if appointing children to Congress would effectively bridge the generation gap.

But I'm fairly sure we'd all snarl a bit less while reading about Washington if we knew the kids were there looking out for us, not to mention the hundreds of billions of dollars we're borrowing from their futures.

Daryl Lease is an editorial writer for The Virginian-Pilot. E-mail him at daryl.lease@pilotonline.com.