Noisy kids' flick has more bark than bite

When television newscasters keep telling us, day after day, that we're going broke, even the most hard-hearted among us are tempted to get a dog. They stick by you - no matter what. Unconditional love and all that!

It's been a high time for dog movies. "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" was No. 1 at the box office. Animated "Bolt" barked, and "Marley & Me" tugged the heart to triumph over all the Christmas week competition. To top things off, Mickey Rourke won the Golden Globe for best actor for "The Wrestler" and thanked his dogs "both past and present."

"Hotel for Dogs" brings up the rear as last and least in the canine furor. At its best, it reminds us of those wacky live-action movies the Disney studio used to churn out: "The Shaggy Dog" or "That Darn Cat" or "The Love Bug."

Aiming, one supposes, at a younger audience, this one lacks the wit of "Chihuahua" and the heart of "Marley," but it does what all successful children's movies must do - it moves fast and makes a lot of noise.

Andi, played by Emma Roberts, and her younger brother, Bruce (Jake T. Austin), have been shuttled around foster homes for years. Now they are housed in the dismal, outrageously decorated home of Lisa Kudrow and Kevin Dillon, two aging, off-key rockers who spend all their time rehearsing horrible nonhit tunes - leaving a frozen dinner for the kids. How's that for starters? Orphans.

Orphans never fail - from Annie to Dickens.

But even Annie had to have Sandy. The two kids have been hiding their dog, Friday, for years from varied mean foster parents. Just how they managed to do this isn't shown - at least, not believably.

When they find an abandoned hotel where several of Friday's doggie pals already hang out, they decide to open the place to all strays.

Well, if you want to make a truly meaningful dog movie, it's best to stick to one dog. Multiple dogs are not as appealing. Before it's over, a horde of dogs is running through downtown Los Angeles, fleeing animal control or rushing to save something or someone. It doesn't really matter which. They just have to run and bark.

Things get overly schmaltzy, too, when the boy invents all kind of silly gadgets - contraptions to feed the dogs, toilets, an especially attractive fire hydrant, treadmills for doggie workouts and simulated car rides so they can hang their heads out the window. This looks suspiciously like filler.

Some of the close-ups, too, look as if they were computer aided. Can you really get dogs to change expressions like that - with little smiles? The director swears no computers were used for the dogs' close-ups. We'd like to believe him.

Apparently badly in need of rent money, Oscar nominee Don Cheadle shows up as a social worker who has been trying for years to get the kids settled with nice foster parents rather than the meanies who don't want Friday.

Kudrow has fine comic timing, at least in other movies. (She's at least the best of any "Friends" alumni). So what's she doing looking frumpish playing third fiddle to a pooch?

Roberts, who played Nancy Drew previously, looks significantly older than the 16-year-old she's playing. The niece of Julia Roberts and the daughter of Eric Roberts, she'll turn 18 on Feb. 10.

Dog catchers turn out to be the worst villains, ruling over pounds that appear to make Guantanamo seem like a luxury vacation. They must be outrun and outsmarted regularly.

At the "Hotel for Dogs," things are cornier than in some of its companion dog features - but harmless.

Mal Vincent, (757) 446-2347, mal.vincent@pilotonline.com