Comedian drops the class act to play 'The Pink Panther'

Such a fool!

Such a bumbling, incompetent idiot.

Pardon me, but we have to laugh when he gives a driver a parking ticket and gets his arm shut up in the window of the escaping car.

We're talking, of course, about Inspector Clouseau, the egotistical French detective with the Pepe le Pew accent. We are not, most assuredly, talking about silver-haired Steve Martin.

He has been declared the comic genius of his generation - even though he has never been nominated for an Academy Award. He has written books, including his most recent memoir, "Born Standing Up." He has written plays, including "Picasso at the Lapin Agile" and "The Underpants," both staged at local theaters.

He plays the banjo and juggles. As an actor, he has won the New York Film Critics award for "All of Me" and critical acclaim for "Roxanne." He hosted the Oscars one year, only to come across as more sophisticated than comedic.

He collects art - multimillion dollars' worth of Picassos, Seurats and Edward Hoppers - often on view in his own gallery in Las Vegas.

Anyway you shake it, this dude has got to be pretty smart.

So what's he doing playing the supreme boob, Inspector Clouseau, in "The Pink Panther 2," or "Pink Panther Deux" as the French would say?

Showing every sign of shameless bravura, Martin spoke to us recently at the Ritz Carlton Hotel in New York and claimed that "Pink Panther 2" is not a steal from Peter Sellers, who originated the role in 1963. "We have attempted to make it our own and, honestly, I don't think we are the same. I am the third actor to play him, and I think that other actors will play him later. Like James Bond and Hamlet, he can be played by different actors."

Ironically, it was actress Ava Gardner, cast to play Madame Clouseau in the original film, who brought about a change in that casting. When she read the script she declared it "too silly" and backed out. This prompted Peter Ustinov, the original choice for Clouseau, to also back out. Sellers stepped in, with French model Capucine playing his wife.

Why has Clouseau endured as a pop culture fixture?

"Because I am playing him now," Martin laughed. "No, seriously, it's strange what film does. The qualities of Inspector Clouseau are pettiness, egocentricity, lack of intelligence, bumbling and arrogance. On film, he is lovable. In life you'd say, 'Get him out of here.' "

After a screening, some critics saw a bit of Chaplin in the way Martin desperately tried to prevent dozens of bottles of wine from breaking. Or a bit of Harold Lloyd in his fall off the pope's balcony after a fateful meeting between the two. ("Excuse me, Meeeeester Pope...")

"There are hundreds of gags we can steal from the past greats and no one would know the difference," he said. "I'm not saying I stole anything, but I do look at the work of the classic silent comedians. The bad thing about being a performer is that you can only be 'new' once, but Clouseau is Clouseau."

The real reason there is a "Pink Panther 2" is that Martin's debut as Clouseau two years ago grossed $159 million worldwide - more than enough to guarantee another outing. The sequel, though, is aimed more at children, or the family audience.

"In our first film, we were obliged to the somewhat risque qualities of the original," Martin said. "Naughty. But we've come to realize that the real audience are family-oriented - adults that go with the children."

There was a time, back in the '70s, when he sold out Scope in downtown Norfolk, billing himself as "a wild and crazy guy" with an arrow shot through his head. He specialized in molding balloons into animals.

Surprisingly, he was not the rebellious 1970s comic eccentric that would have been suggested by his "King Tut" performance or his catchphrase, "Well, excuuuuussse me!" Avoiding for the most part the drug culture that surrounded him, he opposed even wearing jeans, preferring dress slacks. Still, he was "wild" to a generation that was in fact wilder.

He has become a gentle practitioner of cornball family recreations that once were the property of others. "Cheaper by the Dozen" (Clifton Webb, 1950) or "Father of the Bride" (Spencer Tracy, 1950). It looks suspiciously as if he's sold out, but, then, Picassos cost a lot.

The new film involves a "dream team" of international detectives who are solicited to capture a notorious thief known only as The Tornado. Expect Clouseau to be quite innocently politically incorrect at all times: "I suppose you weeeel be wanting sooooo-shi, my leeeetle yellow friend," he says. The Tornado has already stolen the Magna Carta and the Shroud of Turin and has designs on the Panther diamond.

Concerning the stunts in the movie, Martin admitted that he didn't do most of them.

"I've always wanted to do an action movie where they'd spend weeks preparing a car chase and I'd come in and just say, 'What?' and then go to dinner or the theater while they finish the scene.

"Comedy has to be timed more carefully than any of the action stuff. I don't want to be overly humble, but then, I don't want to deny accomplishments either. No fear. Comedy is the great humbler. There are so many ways to fumble."

The respected author and playwright points out that "in the business world, you end up in a suit and tie in an office suite. In show business, you end up in a chicken suit, riding an elephant."

Mal Vincent, (757) 446-2347, mal.vincent@pilotonline.com