Q. My daughter sent more than 400 text messages last month! I was furious, but she told me that her friends send a lot more. How can that be?
A. Four hundred text messages might seem like a lot - after all, that's more than 10 a day - but, in this case, your daughter is probably sending fewer than her peers. According to Nielsen studies, teens between the ages of 13 and 17 send an average of 1,742 texts a month, which breaks down to more than 50 a day.
When do they find time? Texting is for today's tweens and teens what talking on the phone was for their parents' generation, and many kids can text as fast as they can talk. If you imagine every comment your child makes in a phone conversation as a text, you can see that it's easy to send 10 or 20 texts in just a few minutes. If your teen can spend an hour on the phone talking to a friend, it is conceivable that the conversation is now replaced with 50 text messages - or more - especially when text messages consist of just a few words or short Internet lingo.
But is 50 texts a day appropriate? Ultimately, an acceptable text limit should not be about how many texts your child is sending but about how much total time is spent texting and whether her messaging habits are interfering with a healthy life balance. Each family will set its own limits, figuring in the school performance, social interaction and general behavior of each child.
Not sure where to start? When setting text boundaries, consider these:
Text-free time Setting aside text-free time is a good way to create some boundaries. If Sundays are family days, try enforcing a no-text rule. Cut text-messaging privileges off during other family-oriented gatherings - dinner, evening TV time or game night. Generally, setting an evening limit on phone calls and texts is a good idea. No messaging or talking after 6 p.m. for younger tweens or after 9 p.m. for teens is a reasonable place to start.
Whom are they talking to? If your teen is texting a variety of friends and family members, the conversations can add up. However, kids who are obsessively texting just one person may be a red flag - especially if it's someone of the opposite sex. Check text records to see what numbers appear most frequently, and talk to kids about whom they are talking to.
How are you paying? If you're trying to give your child a text limit based on cost, you may be on dangerous ground. Text messages can cost up to 20 cents each - to send and receive - and keeping track of hundreds of texts each month is almost impossible. Most experienced parents of teens realize that unlimited text plans are a must for their families. These plans cost an average of $20 a month for unlimited text messaging, and teens should be responsible for footing the bill.
Balance other interactions Even if teens are texting their fingers off, they need to work in other communication methods - socializing face to face with friends, writing letters to grandparents and picking up the phone to make plans. Texting may seem easy and convenient, but a variety of communication skills are important for future success in school and life.
Hang it up at night Middle-of-the-night texting is popular with many teens who seem to get more wired as the sun goes down. Create a family charging station for laptops and cell phones, and require that all devices are checked in before bed.
Still out of control? If your child's text behavior is interfering with schoolwork and healthy social interactions, talk to him or her about the obsessive behavior and help your child take a break. Contact your cell phone company and see what options are available for blocking or turning off the text option.
Sharon Cindrich is a mother of two, a columnist and the author of "E-Parenting: Keeping Up With Your Tech-Savvy Kids" (Random House, 2007). Learn more at www.plugged inparent.com or send your questions to sharon@sharon cindrich.com.
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