As action ramps up, 'Obsessed' falls apart

It been safe for men, specifically married men, to go to the movies since 1987.

That was when “Fatal Attraction” slipped up on them – and for generations guys have, maybe, been a little careful about the woman who comes on too strong.

Who can forget Glenn Close staring cross-eyed at poor, married Michael Douglas and declaring, “I’m not going to be ignored.”

He, of course, was no innocent thing. He’d had a brief affair with her, but then he wanted her to get lost. She was having none of that. She made sure that the sweet wife back home, played by Anne Archer, found out about it. The movie has scared at least several “affairs” out of husbands in the decades since.

Be aware, guys, that it’s safe to go back to the movies. “Obsessed” is your story. Here, the husband (Idris Elba) is totally innocent.

Elba plays Derek, a highly successful businessman. He’s happily married to Sharon (Beyoncé Knowles, no less). His temp secretary, Lisa (Ali Larter), begins to stalk him. Stalk is the polite name for it.

Larter gets personal information from his computer. She flirts. At the Christmas party, she corners him in a restroom stall and, uh, well, she tries.

“Get away from me!” he yells as he runs for the door, tucking in his shirttail.

Larter climbs into his car to reveal she is modeling nothing but flimsy lingerie under her coat.

So what’s the problem here? Secretly, isn’t this is the ultimate male fantasy movie?

Getting more forceful, Larter, the sexual fiend from hell (or heaven, depending upon your outlook) drugs him and gets him into a hotel bed. The next day, he says he was drugged and doesn’t remember anything. (Sure. We can hear the wives now. They’ve heard that one before.)

Hubby Elba claims nothing happened. Larter claims otherwise.

This is oh-so-tacky TV-style melodrama, but the theater audience appeared to be engrossed – obviously fueled by “What if?” fantasies on both sides of the gender line.

The movie falls apart at the same time Larter does – when she decides to invade Elba’s home and kidnap his kid. The rest is silly.

But we’ll stick around and laugh at it because we know, we just know, that it’s all going to lead to a catfight between actress Larter and Beyoncé, the singer moonlighting as an actress. There’s nothing like a catfight to complete the male fantasy that the movie has already become.

Beyoncé, also one of the movie’s producers, interestingly chose the role of the wife rather than the psycho. When Larter invades her house, Beyoncé snaps to full-fight mode to protect her man, her home and her baby.

The movie’s funniest line is when Derek calls in the middle of the fight scene, and Beyoncé says, “I’ll call you back,” as she proceeds to pummel the villainess.

In melodramatic scenes that would be a challenge even for Meryl Streep, she acquits herself well. (In two falls out of three, we’d bet that Beyoncé could kill Larter with her thighs alone).

Laughably bad, this joins “The Informers” as the weekend’s delightful campy guilty pleasures – so bad that they are highly entertaining. Have fun and ignore the silly star ratings that have to accompany this review. (In fact, you’d be better off in all cases if you’d skip the star ratings and just read the review. Hey, how long could it take?).

Go get her, Beyoncé.

You don’t need to sing, girl.

 Mal Vincent, (757) 446-2347