'Ageless' spray won't make wrinkles go away

A LOT CAN HAPPEN in four years. You can lose your mind and not even realize it.

A couple of months ago I received a pitch for a fragrance called Ageless. It's marketed as anti-aging. That claim alone made me game to try it. I was skeptical that anyone could just spray something and erase years, but science is amazing these days.

As soon as the package arrived, I tore it open and went to spritzing. The scent was so vivacious it made me want to slap your momma. I reeked of a mobile perfume lab, probably overwhelming plants and mammals as I strutted by.

Ageless includes essences of pink grapefruit, mango, pineapple, leafy greens, pomegranate, jasmine and musk, plus the oils of Lily of the Valley and peony. The formula is supposed to be based on natural biochemistry. I don't know about all of that, but I know that one spray made me feel like turning back flips. (I said feel, not do.)

For six weeks, I've been rubbing this stuff down like crazy. Couldn't you smell me through the newspaper? Surprisingly, it wasn't until this week that my hubby remarked in favor. He said nothing, though, about whether he perceived me as younger.

And once I thoroughly read the accompanying product information, I started coming out of the fog.

Among Ageless' claims:

- The fragrance is proven to help women defy their age by eight to 12 years.

- It counteracts a body chemical called noneal that men and women produce as we age. It supposedly occurs when fatty acids in the skin break down and cause the aging body odor. I always thought that was Ben-Gay or rubbing alcohol.

- A group of 75 men ages 20 to 60 smelled a series of single-note aromas - including vanilla, rose, patchouli, apple - and Ageless. The group perceived the Ageless wearer to be a little more than 28.

Hmph. I didn't read all of that before I agreed to a sample, but suddenly, the claims sounded terribly familiar. So familiar that I thought I'd written a column on aging some years ago that mentioned a spray whose creators made nearly the same claims.

I went digging, and I was right.

The marketers of Timeless View Youth Perception Spray in 2005 hailed it as a way to take off the years without having to undergo surgery, injections or countless hours at a spa. A clinical study was supposed to have found that women who wore the formula were perceived by men as six years younger.

I turned my back on those claims quicker than a roach running from sudden light - and forgot about it. So when this latest anti-aging pitch came along, why didn't I sniff it more closely?

Because I was sitting at my desk, feeling old, desperate, void of exuberance.

But what you radiate is what you attract. As age-resistant actress Susan Lucci says in the foreword of "Gracefully - Looking and Being Your Best at Any Age" by Valerie Ramsey with Heather Hummel (McGraw Hill, $24.95), "Whether you're in your 20s, 60s or 90s, my conviction is to never believe, think, or act as though you are old.... Life gives us many chances to conceptualize and live our dreams, but if we are too busy shadowing these possibilities with fear of aging, then they may slip away."

So when a whiff of reality threatens to drag you down, look inward for perkiness. Timeless appeal doesn't come in a bottle.

Easy, breezy summer dresses

Q. I am looking for an '80s-style cap-sleeved or three-quarter-length gauzy, flowing dress in white or maybe black. I am middle-aged. Can you help me find one?

- Connie Morrow, Norfolk

A. My first recommendation is metrostyle's tiered gauze dress with crochet-embellished trims. It has the three-quarter-length sleeves you like, and it comes in white, sizes 4-20 for $49.99. I'll send you metrostyle's catalog so you can check it out, because for some weird reason it's not offered on the company's Web site. Metrostyle also offers a gauze skirt in yellow or citron that's fantabulous. Sorry, I'm not Michael Jackson and can't make that outfit white.

You mentioned that you'd also accept a black dress. Locally based catalog and online retailer Newport News has a long, sheer rayon georgette dress with attached slip for $69. It's a romantic, breezy piece that also comes in purple. (I think you'd like the latter color better.) Go to www.newport-news.com and enter this item number: AJ41459.

And if you want to spice it up just a tad more, check out the white background, multitoned dress at adamas fashion house in Norfolk's Ghent. It's a simple throw-on with a little "oomph" - the inks look like crinkles. The boutique has a size 4 and a size 6. $62.

Jamesetta M. Walker, (757) 446-2211, jamesetta.walker@pilotonline.com