Daryl Lease"I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. And I'm not blaming this on President Obama. I just think it's an interesting coincidence."
- Rep. Michele Bachmann, R-Minn.
We join a hearing of the House Subcommittee on the Obama Administration and Other Un-American Activities, already in progress...
"Thank you, Mr. Carter, for testimony clarifying that you were not actually president when the swine flu broke out in the '70s."
"My pleasure."
"I stand corrected, but I do wish Chevy Chase had accepted the subcommittee's invitation to testify as the late President Ford. I would still like to hear his side."
"Um, I suppose that could be useful. Incidentally, if I could be of any assistance in resolving the stalemate in the U.S. Senate election in your home state, I'd be happy to assist."
"I'm sure you would. But I suspect Obama will be calling you any day now to help negotiate peace in our time with Iran. All right, let's move on. But before I call my next witness, I'd like to enter into the record the recent observation from my good friend Rush Limbaugh that the swine flu broke out after Obama visited Mexico. Again, I'm not blaming the flu on the president. I just think it's an interesting coincidence."
(Pause.) "OK. As you can see, my next witness has asked to testify behind a screen to protect his identify. Thank you for joining us, sir."
"Th-th-thank you, I think. I'm not sure w-w-why I was subpoenaed."
"I'd like to remind everyone, including our guest, that C-Span declined to televise our hearings, but we are being broadcast by my good friend Glenn Beck, a great American and one of the few journalists in our country who is not in the tank for Obama."
"TV c-c-cameras? H-h-how exciting."
"Speaking of being in the tank, would you like to take up my good friend Sean Hannity on his offer to be waterboarded for charity?"
"G-g-goodness, no! I think I'd rather just write a ch-ch-check."
"I'm sure he'll appreciate that. So! Your background is in the entertainment industry, but you also have some expertise in pig farming and the swine flu?"
"N-n-no, I w-w-wouldn't say that - "
"OK, let's get right to the heart of what you do know, shall we, Mr. Pig? Is it all right if I call you that? I'm not divulging any critical information about your identity?"
"Ac-ac-actually, ya are -"
"Tell us what you know about the recent lunch outing by President Obama and Vice President Biden."
"Well, n-n-nothing, really. I just s-s-saw something about it on TV."
"They went for burgers, did they not? To an establishment called 'Ray's Hell Burger'?"
"Th-th-that sounds right."
"Now, there is no actual ham content in a hamburger, is there, Mr. Pig? Nothing porky?"
"Uh, no."
"So, in your expert opinion, what do you think they were up to?"
"W-w-well, it's just a g-g-guess, but they were probably t-t-trying to control the d-d-damage from Joe Biden's remark about not sitting in confined public places because of the f-f-flu."
"Really? Is that all they're up to? Remember, these people are socialists."
"M-m-maybe they just wanted a b-b-burger?"
"Are you aware, sir, that mad cow disease first broke out under a Democrat president, Bill Clinton?"
"Ac-ac-actually, I think it was during President Reagan's time. N-n-not that it's relevant."
"I just think it's an interesting coincidence. And now we have Obama and Biden eating burgers. Hmm?"
"That's pr-pr-preposterous."
"Mr. Pig, my Republican colleagues and I know these free-spending, wealth-redistributing people are capable of anything! As I said at a recent anti-tax rally - and I quote myself here - 'During the last 100 days we have seen an orgy. It would make any local smorgasbord embarrassed.' "
"Or-or-orgy? Smorgasbord? Lady, I th-th-think you're -"
"All righty! I think we've shed valuable light today on what Obama is up to. Do you have anything else to add for the record, Mr. Pig?"
"Th-th-that's all, folks?"
Daryl Lease is an editorial writer for The Virginian-Pilot.
E-mail him at daryl.lease@pilotonline.com.
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Another blind democrat
No matter how poor the article is.The real problem is that the pilot paid this man,and decided to print it,and he obviously appears to be blindly protecting a inneffective president that never had a substantial pay check unless it came from us taxpayers.And who has now duped all those who voted for him to get that power that he needs to become Robin Hood.No,the country has no money,budgets everywhere are being whacked because this numbskull gave it all away with very poor results,and he is soooooooooooo wonderful???IN A PIGS BUTT!!!!!!
Wow!
That was awful, yet I read it twice to see whether or not I missed something. I did... It was painful. I didn't notice my head hurting the first time.
From Isaac...
"Don't see what's wrong with Lease's prose. Is there some grammatical rule that disallows making fun of Republicans?"
No there's not, in fact, the only thing disallowed at the Pilot is making fun of their beloved Dems. People like Mr. Lease evidently haven't been told that there is indeed another major political party in this nation, but for him or anyone else on the Pilot's Editorial Board to go after them in anything other than a complimentary way will no doubt result in their dismissal. I guess I shouldn't be so hard on him, he's just trying to protect his job in these troubled time. After all, the Dems will tolerate tax cheats at the highest levels of the admin, but certainly will not allow for the truth to be pointed out about their policies, or the people carrying out those policies...
I rather enjoyed the snippet
It was more pleasant to read what a talking bobble head says versus being assaulted by the noise emitting from a talking bobble head They (all talking bobble heads - regardless of political affilation) remind me of Roseanne Barr on steriods smacking chewing gum. It's amazing that most of us now treat all aspects of life and everyone we encounter as if we're all on the Jerry Springer Show. It's no wonder most teens and young adults have no respect for anyone or anything, look at what we the 'adults' are doing - kids, they all learn by example and what examples we've become.
Written worse than a 5th Grade Journalism Student
With my apologies to actual 5th graders for the comparison.
I certianly hope that you donate your writing to the Pilot, and they do not pay you for this.
I read you once every two or three months, and you never fail to disappoint. If nothing else, you are consistant with the poor quality of your work.
I'll check on you to see what you give us for the 4th of July.
re: Was there a point to this drivel?
This was creative writing? Off point, obtuse or drug-induced, okay, but certainly not creative.
What WAS your point Mr. Lease? I thought the job of an op-ed writer was to pass opinion, not try to humor (which you continuously fail in your attempts).
How about a straight editorial, if you can...
Beyond Paranoia
Don't see what's wrong with Lease's prose. Is there some grammatical rule that disallows making fun of Republicans?
The point here is that conspiracy theories about the Democrats, the "mainstream media", and other right-wing whipping boys has gotten totally paranoid. I actually disagree with that: we're way beyond paranoia and into pure silliness. To see what I mean, try googling "fascist dime" and "dijongate".
Snnooorrrre...
The "Snoozemaster" continues to represent the 'high water' mark of Pilot Editorial performance. I guess he's able to retain employment because he's a darling of the political party the Pilot serves, the Dems. Of course, I think I'm one of the 3, or maybe 4, people who ever read his columns, so maybe I'm overstating things. Thankfully for him, talent is obviously not a requirement for Editorial Board participation.
Write on, Mr. Leach. I can always use the sleep!
Was there a point to this drivel?
Did you actually graduate high school?
Ladies and gentlemen, for your viewing pleasure, I present to you the latest exhibit of "why public schools are a catastrophe".
Mr. Lease, your prose is nauseating. I truly hope, for the sake of journalistic integrity, that you are not the best editorial writer that The Virginian-Pilot has to offer.
So what was your point in this diatribe? Were you trying to be comedic? If you were, please stop. You’re giving creative writing a bad name.