Chesapeake pastor who resigned apologizes for affair

CHESAPEAKE

Pastor Bob Groves stood in front of a packed house - surrounded by his wife, a moderator who flew in from Georgia for the night and two boxes of tissues.

It was the first time Groves had spoken to the whole congregation in nearly two months. He went back to Faith Alive Ministries on Wednesday to apologize for having an affair with a married church staffer.

Groves didn't go into detail, but many church members had heard already. They gave a standing ovation when he returned to the sanctuary stage.

"I sinned," Groves told the audience of roughly 1,500. "Not only did I sin, I sinned a lot and I sinned for a long time."

In May, Groves said he was leaving Faith Alive, a church he led as pastor. It has grown quickly from a dozen members to more than 2,000 - including some high-profile people in the city, such as Mayor Alan Krasnoff, who was among those embracing Groves on Wednesday night.

Now it appears Groves is on track to return to his lead pastor's post.

"Faith Alive, I love you," Groves told the crowd. "And I'm so sorry for what I've done."

Groves, who was raised in Virginia Beach, said he got into drugs and alcohol when he was 13. He straightened his life out after surviving a frightening car crash in 1984.

When he became Faith Alive's lead pastor in 1991, he used a car-sales office as the sanctuary. He wanted to build a church that was open to more of the community's addicts and lost souls.

Earlier this year, the church celebrated the grand opening of an $11 million, 46,000-square-foot sanctuary on Shell Road. The attendees included Pat Robertson, U.S. Rep. Randy Forbes, Del. John Cosgrove and Krasnoff.

Then on May 3, Groves abruptly left. Word about the inappropriate relationship spread around the church community within days.

But on June 17, a letter went out announcing that Groves and his wife would be addressing the church at a special meeting Wednesday. The meeting was moderated by a longtime Faith Alive consultant and a friend of Groves', Jim Chambers.

Chambers is a former pastor who went on to found a consulting group called the Institute for Organizational Leadership. He said he is often called in to help troubled pastors and business managers and said he participates in three or four similar events a year.

"It's been eight weeks, and I still have trouble with this," Chambers told the crowd. "But forgiveness is not optional. What the pastor and his wife have been through is horrible. It was stupid. It should have never happened, and we all know that."

He also urged members to stop gossiping about what happened.

"The text messaging and talking is enough," he said. "We need you to stop. Just stop."

After talking for more than 30 minutes, Chambers called up Groves and his wife.

The crowd stood for minutes when Groves faced the crowd just before 8 p.m.

"I'm nervous," he said.

"We love you, Bob!" someone screamed.

Groves spoke for about 20 minutes, apologizing repeatedly.

"I let a lot of people down," he said. "It's just wrong, what I did."

"Don't allow this to become 'before and after,' " he said. "Don't allow this to become, 'I'm for Bob,' or, 'I'm against Bob.' "

His wife, Shawn, sat behind him in a chair next to the tissue s. She got rousing applause after being handed the microphone. "I love him," she said. "I have loved him since I was 12 years old, and I'm not going to stop."

Toward the end of the service, members surrounded Groves during a final prayer.

"It's what I prayed for," member Jane Caler said of Groves' return to accept responsibility. "All indications are that they can forgive him. Hopefully, he can come back. I believe that's what God would want."

In a separate interview, Chambers said there is "absolutely" a chance that Groves could return as lead pastor within two years after completing what he described as a process for "pastors that have difficulties."

Groves began that process by apologizing to the church council and staff, undergoing marriage counseling and taking full responsibility for his actions, Chambers said. His fate will ultimately be in the hands of the Administrative Bishop for Church of God Virginia.

"What we're all after is for Pastor Bob to come back," Chambers said. "But we don't want that to happen unless his personal life, his spiritual life and his family life are completely healed."

Chambers asked members to pray for both the Groves family and the family of the other staffer involved. She and her husband, also an employee of the church, have "basically disappeared" from Faith Alive, and it's unclear whether they will come back, Chambers said. Both families are receiving financial assistance from the church while they seek marriage counseling, Chambers said.

Mike Saewitz, (757) 222-5207, mike.saewitz@pilotonline.com