Expense accounts, expensive tastes

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I don't know if the Smithsonian would be interested, or if there's even room to squeeze another building onto the Mall. But I think it's time for a museum commemorating the many inventive ways that public officials spend tax dollars.

No, I'm not referring to the bailout bonanzas or stimulus extravaganzas brought to us by presidents Bush or Obama. I'm not even thinking of overpriced Pentagon toilet seats - although I suppose we could display a few in the museum's restrooms.

What I'm envisioning is a humble marble edifice that pays homage to the government expense account, where some of the nation's best creative writing occurs.

With time, I'm sure the Smithsonian's curators - and auditors at the optimistically named Government Accountability Office - could turn up a treasure trove of items for the museum.

But the collection could start off small, with items found in a recent review of 2008 congressional expense accounts by The Wall Street Journal.

Inspired by a major spending scandal in Great Britain - more on that in a moment - the folks at The Journal decided to sift through thousands of pages of reports filed by our own lawmakers. (In our government's efforts to post records online, these reports - gee, whaddya know - somehow didn't make it to the Internet.)

Every year, each member of the House receives $1.3 million to $1.9 million and each senator gets $2.9 million to $4.5 million to cover travel expenses, office equipment, staff salaries and more.

The Journal's review didn't uncover anything eye-poppingly egregious, perhaps because lawmakers are still weaning themselves from the generosity of defense contractors, lobbyists and the like and simply haven't felt the need to dun taxpayers for extras - yet.

The Journal didn't report finding any illegal expenses, but the paper didn't unearth many examples of thrift, either. Rep. Alcee Hastings, D-Fla., for instance, spent almost $25,000 last year to lease a luxury Lexus sedan, and Rep. Rodney Alexander, D-La., paid $20,000 to lease a Toyota Highlander SUV. (At least they were hybrids.) Other lawmakers in both parties also opted for ritzy rides.

There were some squirrelly items in the mix, too. Eni Faleomavaega, a Democrat who serves as American Samoa's delegate in the House, spent $3,000 for two 46-inch TVs. Presumably, he wanted screens big enough to be seen from American Samoa.

Former Rep. William "The Freezer" Jefferson, the Louisiana Democrat who's still awaiting trial on bribery charges, scored a $2,793 Panasonic Toughbook, a super-sturdy laptop, before he lost his re-election bid last year.

But my personal favorite was a piddly but pointless $22 bill submitted by Rep. Chaka Fattah, D-Pa., for a Liz Claiborne "cell phone pouch." A spokeswoman explained that it was "nothing fancy."

Now, a museum featuring a cell phone pouch isn't likely to draw big crowds. And only so many tourists will clamor for a glimpse of Jefferson's laptop, or even the freezer where he's accused of stashing his ill-gotten gains.

So, until there's time to put together a top-notch U.S. collection, we'll have to do what many a museum has done through the years - borrow classics from the Old Country.

In recent weeks, England has been rocked by a scandal involving expense reports filed by members of Parliament and other officials. Apparently, the pols feared a voter backlash if they gave themselves a raise, so they decided to bill their constituents for the equivalent on the sly. British papers used the country's relatively new Freedom of Information Act to uncover the details.

One chap in Parliament billed the government $2,240 for five years of cleaning his swimming pool. A former deputy prime minister filed for $10,300 for various home projects, including repairing a toilet seat twice. (U.S. military surplus, I'm guessing.)

Then there's the member of Parliament with the delightfully Dickensian name of Douglas Hogg, who sought $3,045 in reimbursements for various projects, including cleaning the moat around his country home.

And, rising above all the others, I think, is this: an education official's claim for $150 to pay workers to replace 25 light bulbs at his home.

Hourly re-enactments of the Great Bulb Swap would draw big crowds to our new museum, I suspect. Of course, we'd want to keep a close watch on congressional expense reports to ensure they don't hire the same workers.

Daryl Lease is an editorial writer for The Virginian-Pilot.

E-mail him at daryl.lease@pilotonline.com.