I think I’ve written before that Thing 1 has been taking speech therapy. He’s been getting it through the public school system and should be about to start up his summer session right now. However, because of what I can only describe as a colossal misjudgment on behalf of the school system, I am instead scouring local speech pathology practices in hopes of finding a speech therapist for him. All of them are quoting waiting lists…long waiting lists. At this point, if I could go back in time and pick a specialty, it would have been early childhood speech pathology – no really. If it was something I could physically do, like homeschooling, I would. I feel completely helpless to make sure my son gets the help he needs with his speech…and at a time when he’s going through so many emotions and feelings that he needs to express verbally. And, when Mr. Wonderful isn’t at home to discuss this with (nor do I want to burden him with this worry when he needs all his focus to be on his mission).

Let me back up a bit. Towards the end of the school year, I met with Thing 1’s speech therapist, who has been giving him lessons and works through the school system. Her evaluation was that he needed to continue with 2 sessions a week next year. At the same time, I was told that there weren’t enough spaces for him to participate in the summer maintenance program – where they continue with 1 lesson a week over the summer session.   Additionally, after it was found out that he wasn’t attending public school, I was told he didn’t qualify for the 2 sessions a week next year either. Because he is attending private school in the fall, the school system will only provide him with 1 session a week. 1 30-minute session with 4 other children. All this, after an evaluation noted that he needed speech therapy on a continuous and dedicated basis. All delivered without a hint of irony.

Now – the reason for the private school. When we first began the search for pre-school programs in the area, we didn’t qualify for the one given out of the public school near us. After a couple of bad fits we found the Montessori school where he attends now. To make a long story short, I decided not to move him this fall to the elementary school (for Kindergarten) by our house because of my hub’s continuous absence the past year and, again, this year. One of the stable things in Thing 1’s life right now is his school. He loves it. In addition to already understanding his speech patterns (he gets very frustrated when people don’t understand him), his teachers understand his family situation and really cater to his need for special attention. They encourage him to draw pictures to mail daddy, talk about him, and know when he acts out that maybe the best thing they can do is to talk to him about his dad. Now, I know, given time, the same could be said for the school near our house. I have no doubt. However, given everything else going on in his little 5 year-old life, his father and I made the decision to keep him where he is for another year to maintain as much stability as possible for him. 

It never occurred to me that I would have to choose between his well-being and his ability to get speech therapy though.

After being informed of the policy by the school system, I checked around. I spent about 2 days on the phone talking to different organizations, state and federal. I really didn’t think what the school system was legal and in accordance with the Individuals with Disabilities Education Improvement Act (IDEA 2004). Everyone I talked to – even those with backgrounds and jobs within education – thought that something could be done (even today when I was on the phone trying to find local speech therapy options a few of them told me I should “talk to the school system”). After speaking to the organization that tracks state compliance with federal regulations for disability services, I found out that the school system was in accordance with state regulations.   “Parentally placed private school students” waive the right to appeal decisions made by the school system. Even bad ones it seems. And, while the school system can make individual decisions according to student need, that didn’t happen in our case (nor was it even presented as an option – I was told they “don’t have to”).

During the process of appealing to the school system ( I met with the Superintendent’s office and with representatives from the office of Special Education) I also heard from military family friends that I could also go through our medical insurance with Tri-Care (they had also had trouble with their local school district), which thankfully has been a bright light in this struggle. He was quickly evaluated and recommended for services above and beyond what the school system will provide (a note: for Tri-care to give a referral for services the child must also be utilizing services through the public school system). The problem now has become finding a practice that doesn’t have a three month long waiting list. 

I know I have only tasted a small portion of what other families struggle with with regard to getting services for their children – whether it be through school systems, insurance companies, medical treatments, etc. I am also extremely grateful that I have Tri-Care to top up what the school system won’t provide.  However, the most disappointing aspect of this whole ordeal is the total lack of support I felt from the school system towards military families and the decisions that we make for our children because of their family circumstances. I mean, this state houses one of the highest concentrations of military families in the country. We have the largest naval base in the world here. I got no response from the school district that they had reviewed or taken any of our family’s particular circumstances into consideration. Nothing is noted on any of the paperwork that was filed. I had to sign a document that states, most offensively, “When parents unilaterally place their child with a disability in a private school/home school, their child has limited access to special education and related services…”  The phrase “unilaterally place” is so galling to me given the school system’s complete lack of consideration towards our family. The ONLY reason my son isn’t attending public school right now is because his father is deployed for a year and we thought the best thing for him, as a complete little person, was to maximize continuity and minimize change in his life. That isn’t unilateral, that is holistic.

I just wish one person had treated Thing 1 like their own child - had reflected the delicate balance that we deal with as a military family. Switching schools can be traumatic for any child. But add in a deployed dad as well as a speech problem and I’m not willing to take a “just try it and see” mentality. My son deserves better. And, frankly, for the school system to unilaterally decide to limit speech lessons with no input or consideration for special circumstances for the family, is outrageous as well as detrimental to the child.

What about you guys? Has anyone else experienced something along these lines? I felt so isolated and powerless when this first began. Even now, as the weeks pass and he isn’t taking speech lessons I worry about regression or stagnation in his progress. Any suggestions or do you want to share your personal story? I’d love to hear it…maybe we can learn from each other. At the very least it feels good to talk about our feelings, right? Maybe benefit the next family that has to go through this process.