Navy father honored for excelling at home and while on duty

It's 5:30 p.m., wind-down time at the Lehnen home.

Homework is done and the family of six just downed fruit smoothies over a board game of "Blokus."

While John Lehnen and their four children watched SpongeBob SquarePants wreak havoc at the Krusty Krab, his wife, Jennifer, prepared dinner.

"This is a good episode," Lehnen said. "It's the one with the kelp shakes. Kind of gross, but we like it. Right, kids?"

"Yeah!"

Jennifer actually has five children, not four, John said, referring to himself. "The older the kids get, the more I regress."

He may have a playful nature, but John, a chief petty officer in the Navy, is the rock that keeps their family solid, Jennifer said.

Others agree.

John recently was selected as the 2009 Military Fatherhood Award winner, the third year the title has been bestowed by the National Fatherhood Initiative and Lockheed Martin.

He also was among a group of fathers honored Friday by President Barack Obama at the White House.

Nominated by his wife, John Lehnen competed for the honor against more than 600 other dads from all five military branches serving around the world.

John nabbed the award because of the way he juggles work and family life and helps other military dads strike the same balance, said Vincent DiCaro, a spokesman for the National Fatherhood Initiative.

In her nomination, Jennifer Lehnen, a speech therapist, tells the story of their four children, including triplets, and the challenges she and John faced as parents.

Twins run in both families. But when they found out they were having triplets, John laughed. Jennifer cried.

Daughter Kathryne (Katy ), 9, and 6-year-old triplets Lindsey, Jacob and Isaac all were born prematurely and with health issues.

Jacob, whom the couple was initially told would likely be a paraplegic, underwent multiple neurosurgeries in the years after his birth, and all the triplets went through various rehabilitative therapies.

Despite his rigorous military schedule, John was there, correcting homework assignments, playing, reading books and providing love and support to his children, Jennifer wrote.

Also complicating the family's challenges has been a series of military deployments adding up to about five years. That's half the Lehnens' married life.

The couple has taken measures to ensure their success as parents and spouses.

"Neither comes with instructions," said John, who recalled that a month after returning from his first deployment in 2000, the couple was "ready to kill each other."

The Lehnens got counseling to improve their marriage, and John did everything he could to help the kids understand his absences.

Before deployments, John explains his job to the children and why he'll be away, Jennifer wrote. During the separation, John and the children keep journals, which they share when he returns.

Once, John filled a "daddy jar" with special gifts that were doled out daily by Jennifer while he was gone.

And when the children were younger, he read books on videotape that they could watch while he was away. But that effort had some unexpected results.

"The kids would start crying because they would talk to the video and I wouldn't respond," John said. "They were too young to understand I couldn't talk back."

Jennifer also wrote that she admires the way her husband looks after his fellow sailors and their families.

Petty Officer 1st Class Richard Guerra remembers when he met John Lehnen, his supervisor aboard the naval destroyer Bulkeley. It was five years ago when the Lehnen triplets were experiencing health problems.

Guerra said he admired the way Lehnen successfully managed the ship's navigation division and took care of his family at the same time.

Shortly afterward, Guerra got married and had two children who were born prematurely. He said Lehnen was there for him with advice and understanding.

Guerra said that Lehnen made sure he didn't miss the birth of his second child since he was away when the first was born.

He has patterned his parenting and leadership styles after Lehnen's, Guerra said.

John Lehnen said the best advice he has for parents is to invest time in getting to know their children. His father always has been his role model, he said.

"You're a parent, but if you don't cover the 'friend block' at the same time, you'll never get into their heads," he said. "If you can get into their heads, you can figure out how to be a successful parent."

Jennifer said the children enjoy a close, open relationship with their dad on a level she never experienced with her own father.

On June 9, the Lehnens traveled to Washington, D.C., where John was honored as the Military Fatherhood Award recipient. The children somehow understood the importance of their father's accomplishment, which also resulted in a private meeting with U.S. Sen. Jim Webb in his congressional office during which "we tried to be good," Isaac said.

"My favorite part of the trip was when Dad got his award," said Katy, who describes her father with one word: kind.

"I love him because he takes care of us," Katy said. "He teaches us things and he lets us have a lot of fun."

Lia Russell, (757) 222-5829, lia.russell@pilotonline.com