Kerry DoughertyDuring dozens of trips to the DMV, I've wanted to do all sorts of things.
Smiling wasn't one of them.
I've wanted to throw my butt-numbing plastic chair - the one I'd been parked on for what feels like hours - at the wall. I've wanted to silence the robotic voice calling out seemingly random numbers. I've wanted to ask the clerks to stay at their stations for a few minutes so we could get a fix on how many employees were working that day.
But smile?
Never.
Once, when the state made massive budget cuts at the Department of Motor Vehicles, I wrote that a trip to a DMV office was like vaccination day at the Chelyabinsk Carburetor Works.
That was in 2003. And it's still true - to some degree.
My most recent DMV adventure was in January, when I was desperate for an official copy of my spotless driving record. Never mind why. Oh, all right, here's a one-word hint: Emporia.
I have to concede, the lines had shrunk somewhat. The mood had improved slightly.
Now that's about to change. Looks like DMV has found a way to bring back the bad moods with its wipe-that-smile-off-your-face rule.
Perhaps you heard. An edict has come down from Richmond: Virginians must now stare vacantly at the camera when we pose for a new driver's license picture.
Seems "neutral expressions" will allow facial recognition technology to more easily put our images through digital lineups at the government's whim.
Am I the only one concerned about the Orwellian implications of this experiment in facial fingerprinting - all in the name of enhanced security and to supposedly discourage identity theft?
"The software is programmed to reject attempts at exuberance or human warmth," The Washington Post reported.
We have to leave our human warmth in the parking lot? Please.
Virginians can't avoid the DMV forever. Sooner or later, every driver finds him- or herself perched on one of those unforgiving plastic chairs, waiting to renew a license. The final step is the dreaded picture - the image that haunts our wallets for years.
I'm looking at my license right now. It's scary.
I distinctly remember that when I left my house that September morning in 2007, I had clean hair and was wearing makeup and a crisp white shirt.
In my picture - taken about three hours later - I look like a vagrant. With pearls.
The good news? I'm smiling.
Not a chance.
Kerry Dougherty, (757) 446-2306, kerry.dougherty@cox.net
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Need a sample photo?
Just go to any high school or checkout counter and look at the detached, far away, vacant stares of those folks. You might have to remove their earbuds to get their attention.
Thank you jp
I really needed that laugh...thanks much!
Grinning Like a Racoon........
I always figured that if I was Smiling in my OL photo the cop would figure I was a Nice Guy and not give me a ticket. Forget about that....... Now that I'm a cop my OL stills shows me grinning. I guess not for long though.
Facial Recognition
I am not too sure that I like this policy...
I would like to know why DMV feels that all drivers need their faces placed into a database.
Next thing you know, thay will be taking DNA from everyone.
Can you say Big Brother?...
REAL ID Act of 2005
I am not too sure that I like this policy. A lot of states don't like it either, but the Real ID Act requires certain security features in ID's now being issued, and this is one policy implemented for that reason.
I would like to know why DMV feels that all drivers need their faces placed into a database. The Real ID act requires photographs of all applicants even if a license or identification card is not issued.
Next thing you know, thay will be taking DNA from everyone. Join the military or get arrested for a felony and that will happen to you. Eventually it will probably be part of the birth registration procedure.
Can you say Big Brother? Can you say Big Brother has been around for years, and is only getting bigger? Just think of all the methods by which people are tracked now. GPS, CCTV, DNA, fingerprints, etc.
At least I will be recognizable to the Police Officer
if I get pulled over.
I probably won't be smiling then either. :-)
Bitter
When will Kerry ever have anything positive to say? Her column is quite simply the nastiest thing in this paper. I typically avoid it because the state of the world is depressing enough without her commentary but this DMV gripe is just too much to ignore. You'd be complaining just the same if the DMV made you smile! Lighten up, Kerry.
Don't read it then
Good grief Rae, if you do not like the column, don't read it. Duh!
I am kind of wondering too...
I saw some of the comments when an article on this was put in the paper a few days ago and people did not think it was a big deal. But, I wonder how people would feel if the DMV required you to put your fingerprints on file or leave a sample of your DNA? This is really no different. As far as I know, the only time the state requires fingerprints from a law abiding citizen is during the application for a concealed weapons permit and the fingerprint record is destroyed or returned at the end of the process. And what about our inalienable right to our pursuit of happiness?
Sorry Ed, but
Submission of a fingerprint card is not required to obtain a Concealed Handgun Permit.
Saturday at the Greenbrier DMV
My wallet was stolen Saturday morning. Since I have a flight this week and they are converting over to a "mail-to-you" driver's license, I had to get a replacement ASAP. I hit the door at 1105 (they close at noon). The crowd was huge and the A/C on the fritz. The line to the Information Desk [to get your number] was 30-50 people deep. Pretty bad huh?
I was in my vehicle at 1140, new license in my pocket.
Don't know what DMV you guys are going to (or if you have been recently), but it was quite the well-oiled machine and in the 85 degree muggy room the employees were cheery and upbeat.
Forget prisons!
With the over crowding of prisons, I could think of a better punishment. Make felons stay at the DMV for a couple of hours! A stint in The DMV is worst than my yearly physical including a prostate exam. At least the doctor is polite.
JWB
Serial Killer
They made me get a new photo a few months ago at renewal time. So I sat in the chair, messed up my hair, raised one bushy eyebrow, opened my eyes bug-eyed and stared down. The girl took my photo and never said a word. I frequently show off my license, it is a bit hit. I look like a serial killer straight out of central casting. Sometimes, making a credit card purchase, cashiers look at my license, then looks at me, then appears a little worried, and I just give them a big happy smile and "Have a Great Day!"