NORFOLK
Shannon Bowman and Martha Daas can join the Mallory Country Club, but not as a family. That's a problem for the two women, who united in what they consider a wedding more than two years ago, live under the same roof and are raising two children together.
As a married couple, they would pay $1,000 to join the club and an annual rate of $630, said Lynn Tiedge, a club member. That's the same amount an individual pays to be in the club in West Ghent, Tiedge said.
As Bowman and Daas see it, they are being asked to pay double the rate a married couple pays. Though Virginia law does not allow same-sex couples to wed, the women consider themselves married and would legally marry in the state if they could, they said.
Besides the membership rate, there's a bigger predicament to them.
"It's not the money issue," Bowman said. "It's the principal point that we're not accepted as a family."
If a vote taken by Mallory Country Club members is any indication, the fact that the family rate is not extended to cohabiting gay couples who are raising children is a concern of many members too. For them, it's not enough that gay people can join the club as individuals.
About 180 votes were cast to support family memberships for same-sex couples with children, according to the club's Web site, at www.mallorycountryclub.com. Roughly 126 votes were cast against it.
For the measure to pass, a two-thirds favorable vote is required, said Tiedge, who supports the measure and said she worked with at least 15 other club members to revise the club's bylaws to provide for it. Two-thirds of the 311 ballots cast would have been roughly 207 votes.
"We recognize that heterosexual couples can marry and homosexuals couples can't," Tiedge said.
Tiedge contends that those who voted against the measure are not necessarily against same-sex couples with children qualifying for a family membership but that they may have had problems with how the proposed revised bylaws were worded.
Numerous club members contacted for this story did not return calls or did not want to comment publicly.
It's not the first time this issue has surfaced at the club. In 2004, a similar measure was voted on by members and narrowly failed.
The most recent efforts to change how the club charges same-sex couples with children living under one roof were launched earlier this year after Bowman, Daas and another same-sex couple with children tried to purchase a membership under the family rate, Tiedge said.
Bowman and Daas, who live in West Ghent, said they wanted to take their 8-year-old daughter to a pool where many of her friends play, and to hang out with their friends and neighbors.
Tiedge said she and the other club members who worked on revising the bylaws confined the change to same-sex couples living together and with children because "we were trying to limit it to the issue at hand that was presented by Shannon and Martha and the other couple" who have children.
Tiedge said by casting it as a family issue they thought they would have a better chance at getting enough votes favoring the revisions.
Tiedge said some at a special club meeting last week voted against the issue on moral grounds, while others asked why unmarried heterosexual couples living like married people weren't included in the amendment.
Others worried that the amendment would open a Pandora's box that could lead to people in all kind of domestic situations trying to qualify for a family membership, Tiedge said.
Joseph George, a member of Mallory Country Club for about 40 years, voted against changing its practice.
"I was not in favor of changing the bylaws to give homosexuals a preference when these people have every opportunity to have one of the members join the pool," George said.
He said the other partner in the gay couple could have been designated a baby-sitter and brought the child to the pool "all along."
Jim Farrell, Mallory Country Club president, would not elaborate on the issue.
"We took the vote and that's it," he said.
Tiedge said efforts to allow same-sex couples to qualify for a family membership will continue. "We do not intend to let this matter die."
Cheryl Ross, (757) 446-2443, cheryl.ross@pilotonline.com
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This a Discrimination Issue
This is a matter of discrimination - solely. Of course there are people that want to make it about religion, the fact is America proudly practices Separation of Church and State; Thank GOD! imagine if we followed the Bible verbatim - we'd be stoning people to death in the streets all day long!!!
This Country Club's vote is just a reminder of how sad it is that America allows the open discrimination of a HUGE race of people in this country - nearly 10% on this nation is proudly gay. It's only a matter of time before America accepts gay people - marriage and all. To the opposition I say, your definition of marriage doesn't HAVE to be MY definition of marriage.
Good luck to this family - they look really happy. -I'd like to challenge anyone on here to honestly tell me they don't know and love at least one gay person...
peace.
nearly 10%????
The 10% number was given by the government and has no reality. It is impossible to know how many homosexuals there are in this county alone because so many are still in the closet. Case in piont our military forces. My son is gay, and if I had to make a guess (like our government has done) I'd say it's closer to 20%.
Our country WILL change, gay's will be given all the legal rights as heterosexuals have including legal marriage. I just hope it's in my life time.
Heterosexuals, unless you are a minority, don't know what discrimination feels like.
we should not be concerned with heaven or hell
We should not be concerned with people going to heaven or hell, but living together in peace with each other here on earth.
Not one of you can play God or speak for God.
Living in peace is the hard part, because so many of you want to tell others that they have to live like "you", or that their lifestyle is wrong. We are all God's children, we were all created equat, but we are not all treated equal. The day has to come when we live as neighbors, and treat people with respect.
Not ONE of you is any better than anyone else. So stop pretending that your are.
Consider this
A lot of these commenters are getting confused.
This couple wasn't turned down for membership. Mallory is happy to let them in, as long as they pay double what a heterosexual couple would pay. They aren't barred from the club, or prohibited by rules, or anything like that. They're welcome to join as single people.
The thing is, they're not single. The issue here is not whether gay people should be allowed to join the club, but whether gay people should be charged double for joining the club.
The same for an unmarried heterosexual couple
This is getting old. There is no difference between unmarried folks, gay or straight! Any unmarried couples have the choice of joining as a single member or purchasing two memberships! End of Story!
I agree with your opinion of
I agree with your opinion of cohabitating couples and others not being able to get a married discount because cohabitation and raising children does not qualify anyone for any type of special treatment. Marriage is what is required but it is not at all that this family would not be married if it were legal. You can not chose who you love, Love just happens and when you are with the one you love and you have a family and you want to raise that family together you do come to a point in your relationship that you want to get married and be legally and completly joined with that person and enjoy the social and sometimes financial benifits of legally joining and becoming one with that person. The fact that they can not legally marry is wrong and an injustice to them. This is just one more example of why civil unions or any other seperate but equal mentality that is not fair or equal is a travesty to this family and to say that you should just lie and say you are that persons baby sitter is completly disgusting that a random stranger who watches your kids can do what the person who you love and are raising a family with and would be your legally married spouse if the law allowed it c
teach the children
"how would I explain that to my daughter when I am trying to teach her morals?" Try being truthful and tell her that there are mysteries in the world for which we need not invent explanations. Tell her that every person's moral behavior should be based on sympathy for others and education for oneself. Tell her that striving for morality in our actions is an important human endeavor.
hmm
1) It's a private club. They can discriminate. End of story. They can turn you down because you smell, because you drive an old car, because you aren't rich enough, because you wear red hats. It doesn't matter. They are free to keep any and all peoples out at their sole discretion.
2) It's not much of a club from what I see. Looks like a neighborhood swim center. Maybe they should try Norfolk Yacht?
3) It's not a left-right argument. But even if it were, FYI: Norfolk's Ghent and West Ghent white population are largely liberal. Period. So, get
the idea of some vast, right-wing conspiracy out of your empty heads.
4) It's not a Christian vs. non-Christian argument either. And to those of you making it out to be just that (on both sides), I say shame, shame on you.
Next topic, please.
Country Club??? For the countrified.
Why anyone would want to be a member of the Mallory Club, I do not know. From what I've seen, most of the members who join it are social climbing wannabees that inflate their badly desired status to project a phony-elite attitude for no good reason. The only thing that makes the mallory club a "country" club are the countrified ways of its members who try to act urbane. It's pretty sad. If you want to be a member of a country club, join a real country club, not a neighborhood pool of social-hopefuls.
No, actually we just want a nice pool to take our kids to
No, actually we just want a nice pool to take our kids to to swim, play and cool off in the summer. Not sure where you are getting the "social climbing wannabe" idea; if you spent some time at our pool (which, I agree, is not a "country club" in the true sense of the word - just a nice pool, snack bar, playground and some volleyball courts - and I don't know a single member who calls it a "country club"), you'd see lots of neighborhood moms, dads and kids swimming, hanging out and grilling out. It's a very laid-back place full of people from varying backgrounds and income levels, and the only requirement for admission is that you be a Norfolk resident. In fact, I think this vote only demonstrates how open-minded and accepting this group is - remember, a hefty majority voted in favor of extending a family membership to the same-sex couple. Can you imagine how this would have gone down at NYCC or PACC?
I will never agree to calling your life styles a Marriage
The day that Adam and Steve (of the same sex)or Eve and Eva can come together as one and produce a child I will stop my "old fashion" thinking that it takes a man and a woman to join in Holy matrimony and become parents. And before I hear all the anti-religion, anti God commentators get fired up just remember this, that it was God that set down this practice, not the ACLU. So all you guys that want to walk down the street holding hands and huggin on each other,and all you girls that don't need a man to have a baby I say enjoy each other, live together, buy houses together etc. etc. just don't ever expect me to agree to letting you call it a Marriage.
the biggest sin of all
The biggest sin of all is for you to try and speak for god.
I would never expect that.....
but I will fight as hard as I need to change your laws so that I am recognized just the same........and when you get fired up by that do not expect me to care. Oh......and god is a myth.
The choices they made
The choices this couple has made for themselves will continue to make their life difficult.
1. Living in the state of VA. Marriage of homosexuals is prohibited. Virginia does not recognize individuals married in other states.
2. Adopting children. There will be many instances where their children will feel bad because of who their parents are.
3. Applying for a membership in a private country club where the by-laws are prestated in the application.
Just a quick definition:
Marriage: the social institution under which a man and woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife by legal commitments, religious ceremonies.
The biologic laws of nature and God's inspired word are not ignored by the majority of the U.S.
What do you think this couple is telling the 8 year old about this situation? If she were my daughter's friend, how would I explain that to my daughter when I am trying to teach her morals? Will they try to manifest their alternative lifestyle into her generation? God created us all equally and gives us all a fair chance to abide by his word, giving us our minds to think with not our genitals.
LOL
2. Adopting children. There will be many instances where their children will feel bad because of who their parents are.
The only time these children will feel bad about who their parents are is when they must face ignorance such as this........
Wait.......scratch that.....these kids will never feel bad....their parents will instill in them a sense of pride that will not be hindered by the likes of you.
You are mistaken
"The choices this couple has made for themselves will continue to make their life difficult."
"2. Adopting children. There will be many instances where their children will feel bad because of who their parents are."
How do you figure that their life choices will continue to make their lives difficult? There is no evidence to prove such a thing, only YOUR opinion.
As for adopted children, it is PROVEN that they live a very normal and happy live without shame of their parents lifestyle.
What do you teach your children.....try love instad of judgement.
Its a private club
Its a private country club with membership rules similar to the the Congressional Black Caucus. This club has a right to choose who they want in the club. What you do in the privacy of your home is your business. In all sincereity, Why do homosexuals feel compelled to force us to accept that their choice of lifestyle is moral and acceptable to us?
God created man for woman and woman for man. I love you as God instructs us to love everyone but it does not mean I have to accept your lifestyle and provide special laws& treatment and allow the manipulation of marriage covenant between a man and a woman.
I doubt that my comment will be printed by the PIlot becuase I speak the truth.
Let's answer your question...
...with the same question: In all sincerity, why do right-wing heterosexual Christians feel compelled to force everyone else to accept that their choice of lifestyle is moral and acceptable to us? Why is it fine for you to force everyone else to live by your own rigid guidelines, but turnabout is unfair?
"What you do in the privacy of your home is your business." Okay, so why do you feel compelled to regulate it?
"I love you as God instructs us to love everyone but it does not mean I have to accept your lifestyle and provide special laws& treatment and allow the manipulation of marriage covenant between a man and a woman." And I'm sure others love you as their particular spiritual belief instructs, but it doesn't mean you should get special laws or protection because of your lifestyle, nor should you be allowed to define the "marriage covenant" solely by your own narrow rules.
"right-wing heterosexual Christians"
"right-wing heterosexual Christians??" gosh, and you make the term "heterosexual" sound so bad when prefaced with "right-wing." so, are all heteros right-wingers? nope. are all Christians right-wingers? nope. are all Christians heterosexuals? nope. and so on.... so, what pray tell, is your point here with this "right-wing heterosexual Christian" label?
phrog
This certainly has proved to be an interesting and emotional topic. I am curious why you compare a gay/lesbian couple to that of a hetero couple cohabitating. The latter CAN marry, the former have no way of meeting the CC criteria until laws are changed. Because most States and the Federal gov't. discriminate against gays doesn't mean everyone and every institution has to. If some people (and I have no idea about you personally) would put down their Bibles and listen to their own minds and hearts we may yet find some peace in this World.