Got gift money to burn? Neiman Marcus has you covered.

The economy is in the toilet.

Consumer confidence is right beside it.

Unemployment is up. The stock market is iffy.

And Sears, Foot Locker, Waldenbooks and others have closed stores this year.

So, what’s a luxury retailer to do? Keep doing business as usual, baby.

We’re talking about that purveyor of panache, Neiman Marcus,  which recently unveiled its annual Christmas Book, calling it “the official start of the holiday shopping season.”

Out is the million-dollar merch from years past.

In is, well, still some pretty expensive stuff.

This year’s mag is as opulent as ever with a glossy 160 pages of bags, bangles, bracelets and other booty with a barcode to die for, especially upon receipt.

“The main goal,” says Ginger Reeder, a Neiman vice president, “is to give you an adult fantasy.”

Cue Robin Leach voiceover. You want an iPhone case? It can be yours for $175.

Want to be a Maker’s Mark whiskey distiller for a day? You can for a price that may drive you to drink – $7,500.

Need a clock? There’s one from Jay Strongwater for $8,800, batteries included (for that kind of money, they better be).

But wait. What big shot wouldn’t be complete without a recreational plane? Cost: $250,000.

And, let’s face it: your sanity.

Customized Cupcake Car: $25,000
Luna Moon Boots: $195
Bugaboo Bee stroller: $599

C’mon, who really buys this stuff? Even rich people can’t be that frivolous with their money.

Say you’re a high roller and need a cupcake car. Do you seriously call these guys up with an item number and a straight face?

HIGH ROLLER: Yes, I’d like to get the Madison Square Garden pen, the football paperweight and the, um, CustomizedCupcakeCarplease. 

SALES REP: That’ll be your kid’s college savings and – (the sound of keys being furiously punched can be heard over the phone) – several IQ points.

Time was, the Christmas Book was more modest. The year was 1926. The book’s debut was 16 pages and intended as a Christmas card of sorts for the store’s best customers.

Over time, it grew in size and scope while becoming a staple of pop culture and the power elite. They had their catalog. The rest of the country had theirs – the Sears catalog.

But times have changed. We’re in a recession, and Americans, even some  rich ones, are watching every penny.

And Neiman Marcus has responded. The Dallas-based company says  some 40 percent of this year’s gifts are under – you’d better grab something stable for this – $250.

We’ll stick with the Sears catalog.

World’s fastest electric motorcycle: $73,000
Patience Brewster cookie jar: $98
Tory Burch slim jeans: $195

In September, Neiman Marcus reported a fourth-quarter loss of $168.5 million.

Rival Saks is predicting a dismal outlook for the coming months.

Locally, household net worth declined by about $47 billion in 2008.

But no matter. The Christmas Book is here to make us forget all that. Hopefully.

“We’re always worried,” Reeder says. “Sales trends in our company have been down. When you talk about the fantasy gifts, there’s no sales plan for that. They’re chosen for publicity value. If someone buys them, great.”

Gucci satchel: $1,950
Cole Haan gloves: $148
Custom-made Martin acoustic guitar: $12,000

And so far, the well-heeled have been.

By late-October, all 50 of the $105,000 limited-edition Jaguar XJL, with its 20 speakers, massaging front seats, heated steering wheel, four-zone climate control – and, oh yeah, it does something called drive, too – were sold.

The Maker’s Mark experience has gotten a couple of sales.

Unknown, however, is the number of cases of buyer’s remorse.

And still, no takers for the cupcake car.

Says Reeder: “Not yet.”

Mike Kernels, (757) 446-2732, mike.kernels@pilotonline.com