By Judy Le
VIRGINIA BEACH
When Travis Payne talked to her elderly mother that evening in May 1997, she knew something was wrong. The 83-year-old sounded very anxious and irrational, uncharacteristically hanging up the phone on her daughter.
Payne went to visit her that night, carrying a suitcase. She planned to move in to make sure her mother was doing better.
Payne knocked at 8:30. Her mom didn't answer the door, and she left because she didn't want to wake her. The next morning, she found her mom's body in the bathroom.
Payne, a psychiatric nurse, did not see it coming.
"My mother was the least likely person to ever kill herself that I've ever known," she said. "Until she died, I thought my mother was the sanest person in our family."
A forum today by the Coalition on Preventing Elder Suicide aims to help health care professionals recognize and respond to warning signs among the elderly. The forum starts at 10 a.m. at Meyera E. Oberndorf Central Library. Registration is closed.
According to statistics, older people commit suicide at a much higher rate than others. The state's chief medical examiner reported that between 2003 and 2007, the suicide rate among older Virginians was 16 per 100,000, compared with 12.5 per 100,000 for other age groups.
In Virginia Beach, 44 older adults committed suicide in that time.
Jennifer Pishioneri, the Beach social worker who started the Coalition on Preventing Elder Suicide, encourages people who are concerned to contact emergency services or Southside Geropsychiatric Services. She said chronic medical conditions are a big risk factor for suicide among the elderly.
"We have older adults that have all these medical issues," she said.
"They're in pain. They're feeling like a burden. They're feeling worthless."
Social isolation, weight loss, a loss of self-worth because of a loss of independence, general sadness and fixation on death are also warning signs, Pishioneri said.
Payne's mother was depressed and anxious after they put her husband into a nursing home. But Payne took her to a psychiatrist, and after being on Prozac for a year, her mother's mood seemed to improve.
Then her mom began giving away her possessions but said she was downsizing to move into assisted living.
"I know that's a big sign," Payne said, "but it did sound logical. And I asked her, point-blank, if she was considering suicide, and she said 'absolutely not.' "
There were other contradictions, Payne said. The week before she committed suicide, her mother had a crown replaced. The day before, she picked up a new prescription, Payne said.
The night her mother committed suicide, an upset Payne called Virginia Beach Psychiatric Center; she wanted to take her mother in the next day.
"If I had it to do over again, I would have made sure she was safe that night, whether she liked it or not," Payne said. "I wouldn't care if I woke her up. I wouldn't care if it embarrassed both of us, and we looked like fools."
Judy Le, (757) 222-5113, judy.le@pilotonline.com
Delicious
Digg
Reddit
Facebook
Google
Yahoo
Obama Health Care
Well, here's something President Obama will like.
A lot of us are getting older......
....and we see the medical machine playing "god" every day. That scares us more than death does. Free people must have the choice to be free, even if it means death. Our military chooses it and all people who would choose to be free will choose it. You would not criticize a military person who would choose to die for their country; why would you degrade a senior who may choose the same in the name of freedom? Freedom isn't free.
Is my math right?
According to 2009 estimates, there are just below 40 million Americans over age 65. Divide by 100,000 (used in figuring the per 100,000 number) and that comes up to just below 400 groups of 100,000. If the figures are 12.5 vs 16 per 100,000, seems to me that is easily attributable to just being older, sick, ready, etc......3.5 times 400 is less than 1500.
Walk in their shoes.....
I would be interested in statistics on how many of these poor souls were facing terminal illness. They refer to 'medical issues", but go no further. A slow, painful death due to a terminal illness may seem worse to many folks than the thought of taking their own life.
There have also been cases of murder-suicide, where one spouse (usually the male) ends the others' suffering, then takes their own life. While society may judge this, it was intended to be a selfless act of love after a lifetime of devotion together.
This article would have to be much, much longer than it is to embrace all of the potential issues involved. I would submit that each case is different, albeit tragic, but we would have to bear the heavy load these folks face to understand how that final decision is made.
The Elderly
In other countries - the elderly are looked up to -but in American - the elderly are preyed upon, taken advantage of, and really treated to feel in the way and not up to the times - at hand. Many times families no longer want them around - But will show up at the funeral or reading of the will.
And then there is the govenment - they attack their social security--the young,educated politicians who are suppose to know it all --spend their money foolishly and then expect them to pay the bill for shortages, city, state and federal - and yet most do not have the capability to increase their earnings or change their lot in life. They have worked all of their lives and now look forward to retiring - Only to find that even that is nearly impossible. Are we getting the BIG picture or do the rest of us even care????? We really can't take any more change -
Elderly
Growing old is not easy - less money, limited opportunities for sexual relations if one spouse is not interested, joints hurt, difficulties sleeping, and depression. I know some elderly who cope by becoming a recluse; others abuse alcohol. My sympathy to anyone whose parent has committed suicide.
Apparently.......................
Not many have had a parent go thru the TRAUMA of Altzheimers. Imagine your mind slowly slipping away to the point that if 'anyone' TRIES to 'help' you....you THINK they are ATTACKING you and attack back !
That was my Mother who, thankfully, passed away in September after YEARS of not knowing who/what/where/when.
It forced me to make a 'Living Will' and, if I even suspect the on-set of Altzheimers, to seriously contemplate suicide while I still have enough wits about me to carry it through.
What 'quality of life' is it to be trapped in a world where you know no one...........not even yourself ?
I know this will sound cold and cruel but it's similar to when you have an old family pet that is sick. Sometimes it's MORE humane to have them 'put down' than to allow them to SUFFER just because YOU cant let go ?
My Mother passed years ago.............her corporal body finally gave up.
Not cold and cruel at all.....
I think it is very real.
Faced with the same situation, I would contemplate ending it all as well.
May not be politically correct, and I do feel that life is precious, but as I mentioned in my previous post, we shouldn't judge without knowing the pain and strain these folks are enduring.
Life is a struggle
for all of us in day to day living. That's the nature of our existance. As we grow older, life gets more complicated as our bodies and minds wear out.The joy of living turns into more of a burden and presents more of a challenge, which requires more energy than it seems we have.I'm not surprised that some of the elderly throw in the towel. Life moves at a faster pace than even a few years ago and older folk get lost in the shuffle.Commiting suicide is the last act of control one can have in his or her life. Let God be the judge if it be right or wrong.
There are more suicides than murders.
We kill ourselves more often than we kill each other.
And have since the 1920s...
My Father
killed himself in 2001. He was 64. He was convinced he had some kind of incurable illness but the pains and things that were going on with him were actually his depression manifesting physical symptoms.
A counselor that my mom forced my dad to go to (he wouldn't have gotten help on his own) also point blank asked my Dad if he was contemplating suicide. He also said, "absolutely not". 2 months later my mom found him in the attic, dead from a gunshot wound to the head. He wasn't contemplating it, he was planning it. We have struggled with it...but it's not as bad as it was.
Elder suicide is real and occurs far too often.
to ldysknzfn 's comment
reading your post was almost as if i was reading my own. your story matches mine to a t, except the year. My father took his life in 2005, when he was 64, two days before his 65th birthday. He thought there was something wrong with him that the doctors couldnt fine, when in fact, it was his depression making his whole body ache. My mom called police one day when she came home from the store and couldnt find him (she was scared of what she would find if she kept looking) and they found him, in their attic, in the same manner your dad was found. I have never felt pain like i did the day i got that phone call. My dad was everything to me. I participate in the "out of the darkness" suicide prevention walk every year. I feel a small piece of healing on the day of that walk to know that i am not alone. I feel for everyone that has ever lost someone to this horrible disease.
What a sad truth.
This story really touched me, because I have often said that I would not want to be a burden on anyone when I get older. My heart goes out to Mrs. Payne's daughter and family!