Motion in the court of public opinion

Respectfully submitted this 3rd day of April 2010, come now the plaintiffs, the taxpayers of Virginia, and move this Honorable Court for an order restraining and enjoining the defendant, Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli, from intentionally and negligently turning his office into a public nuisance.

1. Commencing on or about Jan. 16, defendant was sworn in and began filing lawsuits and dispensing public funds for said lawsuits in a manner injurious to plaintiffs' nerves, pocketbooks and reputations.

2. Under the mistaken belief that federal courts offer early-bird discounts, defendant Cuccinelli sued on or about March 23 to block provisions of the federal health care reform bill. These provisions are not scheduled to go into effect for four years. In so doing, defendant Cuccinelli has obligated himself and future attorneys general in a legal battle in which the commonwealth of Virginia has no standing, except on stamping feet. Further, defendant Cuccinelli may or may not have standing as an individual. His spokesman refuses to say whether the attorney general currently has health insurance courtesy of the taxpayer plaintiffs.

3. On or about Feb. 16, 2010, defendant Cuccinelli filed a petition asking the Environmental Protection Agency to declare global warming a public benefit and seeking permission to begin sand replenishment along Richmond's eastern border. Said petition undermines expectations of plaintiffs residing in Hampton Roads that they will be able to comfortably enjoy dry land without interference from politicians. It also and actually undermines Virginia Beach.

4. Defendant Cuccinelli has also caused offense to plaintiffs' good sense by hypothetically suggesting that the president of the United States is the love child of Vladimir Putin and Cher, thereby disqualifying him both for elected office and karaoke competitions.

5. On or about March 4, 2010, defendant ordered the presidents of public universities in the commonwealth of Virginia to encourage workplace discrimination against gay employees, liberal arts majors and vegans.

6. On or about five minutes ago, defendant threatened to challenge EPA requirements that automobiles be more fuel efficient because he thinks Mini Coopers are suspiciously "cute."

7. Plaintiffs are informed and believe that unless the defendant is restrained by order of this court, their good reputations will be diminished, thereby causing extreme mental anguish, including in the cranium of the governor.

8. Plaintiffs do hereby notify the court that they are representing themselves in this matter, as their attorney is booked on Fox News through 2013.