Action figures in Congress?

Alvin M. Greene, the hapless mystery man who won the Democratic primary for U.S. Senate in South Carolina, apparently has at least one thing going for him. He's unemployed.

There was a time, of course, when being jobless wasn't regarded as an enviable position. But, to hear some politicians tell it, living off unemployment checks is like a limo ride down Easy Street.

Congress, as you probably know, is in the midst of one of its periodic standoffs over extending benefits to people who've been out of work for more than the six months typically covered by unemployment insurance.

As a result of a Republican-led filibuster in the Senate, aid has been cut off to an estimated 2.5 million Americans in recent weeks. GOP leaders say they don't want to extend the assistance unless the $33.9 billion cost is offset by a cut in spending.

Even then, there's skepticism that it's a good idea to continue the assistance.

There's a growing chorus of Republicans - and a few Democrats - fretting over the possibility that paying people a fraction of their old paychecks to help them get by is turning us into a nation of freeloaders.

"In fact, if anything, continuing to pay people unemployment compensation is a disincentive for them to seek new work," Sen. Jon Kyl, R-Ariz., recently declared.

"The jobs are there, but if we keep extending unemployment, people are just going to sit there," Pennsylvania Attorney General Tom Corbett, a Republican candidate for governor, opined.

Sen. Judd Gregg, R-N.H., said we've created an economy "that encourages people to, rather than go out and look for work, to stay on unemployment."

Typically, these pronouncements are followed by kinda, sorta apologies and belated acknowledgements of Labor Department statistics showing that there are now five unemployed people for every job opening.

Corbett explained that he's heard from "five, six, seven different people across the state of Pennsylvania, that they weren't able to get workers." So - to the kinda, sorta apologetic Corbett - this demonstrates "there are some jobs out there. I didn't say there are jobs out there for everybody there. I didn't say it well."

And, amid all this hand-wringing over helping the unemployed, there's this curious fact: Republicans in the Senate are not as worried about covering the cost of a proposal to extend a batch of Bush-era tax cuts - including the $55 billion a year to continue reductions for households earning more than $250,000 a year.

So, to recap: The long-term unemployed are shiftless and shouldn't get help because it'll increase the deficit. But folks with good-paying jobs need help, even if it increases the deficit.

Not to worry, down in South Carolina, Alvin M. Greene has a jobs plan. He wants to put people to work building action figures of Alvin M. Greene.

People like the idea, he told a British newspaper. "It's creative, and we're serious about doing everything we can to get South Carolina and America back to work."

Greene speculates that the reaction to a toy bearing his name will be similar to the stampede for "Tickle Me Elmo" dolls a decade or so ago. "I am a true American hero and if any of the toy companies want to put something like that forward that would be good," he told CNN.

I'm skeptical, but maybe he's onto something. Greene should be careful, though. In the unlikely event that he wins a seat in the Senate - I say unlikely, but we are talking South Carolina here - he will draw a salary of $174,000.

Assuming he intends to take at least a modest share of the earnings from the impending Alvin M. Greene action figure craze, he's likely to rise above that magical $250,000 income level.

Before he goes any further, he'd better consult with sharper fiscal minds on the GOP side of the Senate. If tax breaks for the more prosperous fall through, Greene might want to forgo a seat in the Senate and hold onto those lucrative unemployment checks. In fact, some folks currently in the Senate might want to follow him.

Daryl Lease is an editorial writer for The Virginian-Pilot. E-mail: daryl.lease@pilotonline.com.