Men of the hour: Cantor and Boehner

CORRECTION: The original version of this column misstated the subtitle of Eric Cantor's book and John Boehner's leadership role in 2006.

Step away from the gavel, Eric Cantor. Put down that order form for new business cards. Don't even think of measuring the drapes.

If Republicans retake the House in November, as widely predicted, the job of speaker rightfully belongs to John Boehner. I beg of you, please, Congressman Cantor: Don't get in the way.

But Cantor, alas, is the co-author of a new book, "Young Guns: A New Generation of Conservative Leaders."

Apparently one of the drawbacks of anointing yourself a young gun is that you have to take time out from signing copies of your book to address impolite speculation that you're gunning for the guy who's next in line to lead the House.

Cantor, who represents the Richmond area, says it just ain't so.

Which could mean only one thing, of course: He's gunning for the guy who's next in line to lead the House.

I suppose I should pause here to clarify who Boehner and Cantor are. To hear some political pundits and strategists tell it, they're a couple of obscure backbenchers unknown in our fair nation.

In fact, when President Barack Obama recently began shifting blame from George W. Bush (past and present foul-ups) to the would-be Speaker Boehner (future pluperfect foul-ups), there was much harrumphing and guffawing.

What does Obama think he's doing? Americans don't know who Boehner is! He's a nobody from Ohio! It'll never work!

Sure enough, in a recent poll, about four in 10 Americans said they didn't know enough about Boehner to say whether they liked or disliked him. Given the fact that that one in four Americans recently told pollsters Obama is a secret Muslim, I have to wonder if the folks who claimed not to know Boehner are secret Muslims, too.

For Virginia's sake, I know I should support Cantor the Young Gun in his double-secret-reverse bid for the speakership. Just think of all the cool earmarks we'd get from a new generation of Republican leadership.

But as someone who derives part of his income poking fun at politicians and their foibles, my allegiance lies elsewhere. In Ohio, with the nobody who won my heart years ago.

Boehner, you may recall, briefly served as House majority leader in 2006. He got the job mostly because he was one of few Republican leaders not under indictment or investigation for corruption or having a wide stance.

Sadly, his reign didn't last. Democrats were swept into office later that year, and the speaker's job went to Nancy Pelosi, who vowed to "drain the swamp" of corruption.

Pelosi started the sump pump a little late. Oh, there are some stricter standards, such as requiring folks like Boehner to reimburse part of the cost of flying on corporate jets. (At least 45 times with his wife between 2000 and 2007, according to The Washington Post.)

She's made a dent in corporate-sponsored travel to, say, golf resorts. Boehner has been on at least 41 such excursions in the past decade.

And she's forced corporate-supported political action committees to pick up part of the cost for those jaunts, like the $67,000 that The Post reports Boehner has spent at the Ritz Carlton Naples in Florida in the past 18 months.

But the reason I'm cheering for Boehner goes back much further than Pelosi's puny reforms.

In 1995 - just after the last new generation of Republican leadership took control of the House - Boehner got into trouble for distributing checks from the tobacco industry to his colleagues. On the House floor. Shortly before they were to consider ending a tobacco subsidy.

Although he later said he'd made mistake, Boehner had a perfectly logical reason for doing what he did. "It's not an excuse, but the floor is the only place you get to see your colleagues," he told the Associated Press. "It was a matter of convenience."

Well, sure. Convenience. Where else are you going to find so many members at one time? It's either the House floor or a golf course, and you don't need a cart to get around the House floor.

Young guns? We've had quite enough reform, thank you very much.

What American needs now is a full restoration of the swamp, a return to the age of convenience. And the man for that job is - sorry, Mr. Cantor - John Boehner. He's tanned, rested and ready.

Daryl Lease is an editorial writer for The Virginian-Pilot. E-mail: daryl.lease@pilotonline.com.