How did we get here?

We join the Bush tax-cut negotiations, already in progress ...

"Absolutely not. I will not agree to let the Republican leadership move into the White House with my family and me."

"But our party is prepared to pay rent, sir! For as many rooms as you can spare. It would help pay down the deficit and, if we might be so bold, prepare for the transition after the 2012 election. "

"No."

"But you'll hardly notice we're here, Mr. President. We promise we'll never be the proverbial elephants in the room."

"Let's move on, shall we?"

"OK, but we do have an excellent cable TV package, sir. I'm sure you have a nice setup here, but the Young Guns have a sound system you won't believe."

"Look, I'm pleased you're finally willing to extend unemployment benefits, but - "

"What can we say? We're in the holiday spirit."

"Riiight. But a permanent extension of tax cuts for Americans earning more than $250,000 a year is out of the question."

"But it's their money, not ours, Mr. President. And, may we remind you, these folks are the very people who create jobs."

"So what are they waiting for? Why aren't they creating those jobs now?"

"With all due respect, sir, they're looking for some stability in the White House. Which we could bring, along with - I might add - all the movie and sports channels."

"Stability? Every one of you says we need to reduce the deficit, but if we extended all the tax cuts for just two years, it would add $400 billion to the deficit. This is fiscal conservatism?"

"Don't you worry, Mr. President. We'll make corresponding cuts in spending."

"Where, specifically?"

"Um, it appears we left the list in the limo, sir. We'll have to get back to you on that."

"I know part of the list. Eliminate the Department of Education, the - "

"Oh, right! And big cuts at the Environmental Protection Agency, which - sir - we'd like you to name Sarah Palin to lead."

"You must be kidding."

"Not to worry. She's busy with Twitter and her Alaska TV show, so the EPA would just be a part-time gig. Big savings there."

"Absolutely not."

"We're prepared to make a sizable donation to the Charles B. Rangel Center for Public Service, sir."

"Could I reciprocate with a contribution to Duke Cunningham's prison canteen fund?"

"Now, now! That's most unhelpful, sir. We came here in the spirit of compromise."

"You came with moving vans."

"Oh, those! Well, we really didn't expect you to put up much of a fight over sharing your living quarters, sir, given your previous dealings with us."

"All right, all right. Enough is enough. I'll agree to a two-year extension on the tax cuts. We'll revisit this in 2012."

"During the presidential campaign? Deee-lightful!"

"I'll be ready for you."

"Spunky! We like that. It's been a pleasure doing business with you again, sir. By the way, do you get The Learning Channel here? On Sarah's next show, she's going camping with Kate Gosselin and the kids."

"I'll pass."

"But it's all about the kids, Mr. President. It's all about the kids."

"Yeah. They'll be dealing with the debt we're adding with these tax cuts for upper-income Americans."

"Tsk, tsk, Mr. President. A return to Bush-era economic policies is exactly what we need. Why, without those policies, none of us would be where we are today, would we?"

Daryl Lease is an editorial writer for The Virginian-Pilot. E-mail: daryl.lease@pilotonline.com.