A confederacy of ducats

Del. Bob Marshall had me at the second "whereas."

Oh, sure, when I first read about his proposal that Virginia create its own currency as an alternative to the U.S. dollar, I smirked just a little. Well, a lot.

According to Marshall, the commonwealth needs to crank out its own common wealth "in the event of hyperinflation, depression or other economic calamity related to the breakdown of the Federal Reserve System."

Sounds mighty ominous. But surely, I thought, there's a fellow in an itchy gray wool uniform somewhere in Richmond hoarding Confederate dollars that we can freshen up and recirculate? He probably has a bugle, too. Wouldn't that be enough?

Then I looked up Marshall's resolution, which calls for a House-Senate subcommittee to study "alternative currency." I was hooked. Subcommittees are good. Subcommittees studying funny money - even better.

The resolution opens with a little stemwinder of a "whereas" about an 1891 U.S. Supreme Court ruling establishing that " 'the police power' of a State 'is a power originally and always belonging to the States, not surrendered by them to the general government, nor directly restrained by the Constitution of the United States, and essentially exclusive.' "

Boilerplate states' rights. But then it turns positively lyrical:

"Whereas," the resolution states, "the Supreme Court of the United States has ruled in Beer Company v. Massachusetts, 87 U.S. 25, 33 (1877) that the police power of the States 'extend[s] to the protection of the lives, health, and property of the[ir] citizens, and the preservation of good order ..."

No need to read further. Beer company. Preservation of good order. Sounds airtight to me. Let's make some moolah!

There are detractors, of course. There always are. Bob McDonnell is among them. Stepping into the role ordinarily played by Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli, the governor has declared Marshall's Old Dominion dollars gambit completely unconstitutional.

As it happens, though, lawmakers in at least 12 other states have introduced similar bills to create their own currency in recent years. Georgia and South Carolina, who rarely miss a chance to wander off the grounds, are among them. Others include Colorado, Utah, Idaho and Montana.

I'm not sure if this little confederacy of ducats will fare any better than the last one, but at least the skiing will be good.

As a native Virginian, I reckon it's my duty to volunteer to defend my home state against this impending calamity. For starters, I'm ready to accept all U.S. currency - Georges, Abes, Alexanders, Ulysseyses and particularly Benjamins - from folks anxious about the Federal Reserve's reserve.

I've also taken the liberty of coming up with a few visages to place on the new silver and gold coins Marshall envisions.

Our focus should be on great Virginians, of course, preferably our leaders in our latest unpleasantness with Washington.

Let's start with Cuccinelli, whose gusto for publicity is nearly as gusty as Marshall's. I'm thinking the reverse side of his coin should be the state seal - with the Roman goddess Virtus modestly attired, of course.

Lt. Gov. Bill Bolling probably should get a coin, too. Let's put his mug on both sides because we really don't see him much. (Cuccinelli hasn't taken over that office, has he?)

Despite his lackluster support for the cause, Gov. McDonnell is certainly due a coin. Perhaps we could highlight his contributions to transportation. I'm thinking of something featuring a commuter being flung across the Elizabeth River by catapult. It may be the only way people will be able to get around in Hampton Roads in the future.

Let's also pay tribute to Pat Robertson, who ensures that our state regularly makes national news. How about a bag of Doritos or similar munchies on the flip side, in homage to his recent kinda sorta call for the decriminalization of marijuana?

And, finally, of course, Del. Marshall should be honored. On the reverse side, how about a pic of that little top-hatted, mustachioed guy holding the bag of cash in Monopoly?

Who knows? If this stately currency revolution catches on, we might have to use his money, too.

Daryl Lease is an editorial writer for The Virginian-Pilot. E-mail: daryl.lease@pilotonline.com.