Don't look now, but we may have company

Well, well, well. After all these years, West Virginia wants to come home to Virginia.

OK, it's pretty much just one guy who's hankering for a reunion - Larry Kump, a freshman delegate in the West Virginia legislature. But he claims some of his constituents are with him.

To be on the safe side, our esteemed solons in Richmond should take a break from figuring out new ways not to fund basic services, including transportation, for Virginia - and ponder how they would not fund basic services, including transportation, for a whole 'nother state, too.

Del. Kump, as you may have read, recently introduced a bill that would enable the residents of three counties in his state's Eastern Panhandle - Morgan, Berkeley and Jefferson - to cast nonbinding votes on whether they want to secede from West Virginia and rejoin Virginia.

This idea obviously has been rather slooow to surface, given that West Virginia formally departed the Old Dominion in 1863. Make of that what you will.

But Kump seems sure of what he wants. "Virginia treats its citizens much better," he told reporters. "Many if not most if not a supermajority of people here are aware of the differences in economic prosperity between here and surrounding states."

Can't argue with that. As Kump puts it, he's tired of competing with Mississippi to stay out of last place.

But should we really let any part of West Virginia return to the fold?

Let's set aside for a moment the question of whether the counties that formed West Virginia did the right thing when they abandoned Virginia during the Civil War. I certainly wouldn't want to upset the Southern Cross-eyed historic revisionists who insist the Late Unpleasantness had absolutely nothing to do with slavery.

(Actually, on that point, West Virginia's modern-day rival, Mississippi, stated its case with uncharacteristic clarity in 1861: "Our position is thoroughly identified with the institution of slavery - the greatest material interest of the world. There was no choice left us but submission to the mandates of abolition, or a dissolution of the Union.")

If there's any reason to harbor ill feelings toward West Virginia, it's that its leaders way back when didn't prevail upon flip-flopping secessionists in Frederick County - later the base of the backward Byrd machine - to skedaddle from Virginia, too. Think where the Old Dominion might be today if they had.

But let's return our focus to the 21st century and, specifically, what Virginia would gain from welcoming its cousins back into the fold.

This seems like an appropriate juncture to note that, for the purposes of our analysis, we will abstain from any West Virginia jokes. Some of my ancestors settled in the Eastern Panhandle in the 1700s, and I'm mighty offended by this sort of low humor.

So, to continue, if we allow West Virginia to return, how exactly would it fit into Gov. Bob McDonnell's visionary plan to sell liquor stores to build roads? Moonshine, after all, isn't taxed.

But there's hope. If we could get Attorney General Kenneth Cuccinelli - a born revenuer if there ever was one - to go after the hooch, we'd have enough money to build bridges and tunnels from here to Alaska. Russia, even.

In addition to the inebriation-for-transportation plan, there are other opportunities for economic development for us in West Virginia. Shoe factories, for example, are a distinct possibility - although, a full generation out of the hills, I still spend much of my day barefooted, even around the office.

But there are potential downsides to a reunion. For instance, what happens if folks in other border states (say, Tennessee) or folks who think they live in border states (say, South Carolina ) want to secede to Virginia, too?

Could the Virginia General Assembly handle the influx? More to the point, could our wily lawmakers gerrymander districts big enough to protect their legislative seats?

And if we allow West Virginia in the front door, what happens if folks who are discontented with Richmond - such as, I dunno, Hampton Roads - decide to slip out the back door and secede to North Carolina?

Hmm. Maybe this fellow Kump is onto something.

Daryl Lease is an editorial writer for The Virginian-Pilot. E-mail: daryl.lease@pilotonline.com.