Rock on, reps

A new rule proposed by the incoming Republican majority in the House will allow members to use BlackBerrys, iPhones, iPads and other electronic devices on the floor as long as such activity doesn't "impair decorum." - The Los Angeles Times

"Point of order, Mr. Speaker!"

"Yes, Minority Leader Pelosi?"

"I'm sorry to interrupt our esteemed colleague's rendition of 'The Star Spangled Banner' on Nintendo's Guitar Hero, but I - "

"Minority Leader Pelosi. Minority Leader Pelosi. Oh, how I love the sound of those words!"

"Are you finished?"

"Yes. Proceed... Minority Leader Pelosi."

"As I was saying, I hate to interrupt the music - "

(Sobbing) "It is rather moving, isn't it?"

"Francis Scott Key would be so proud. Really, though, I think we're way past the point of impairing decorum here."

(Sniffling) "Well, it seemed like such a nice complement to our reading the U.S. Constitution aloud and simulcasting it on Facebook. What exactly is your objection, Minority Leader Pelosi?"

"Well, for starters, some joker in here changed the ring tone on my iPhone. It plays a completely different song now."

"A different song?"

" 'Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is Dead.' "

(Pinging sounds fill the House floor.)

"Goodness gracious, what was all that noise?"

"I believe, Mr. Speaker, that would be the majority party tweeting and texting 'LOL' and 'ROTFL' in unison."

(Weeping) "It's so beautiful, isn't it? All these people working together under my leadership. I am truly humbled."

"Man up, Mr. Speaker. Now, I can handle the practical jokes. I can even accept the prankster who arranged for me to receive all 7,561 daily tweets from Sarah Palin."

(Sniffling) "Ain't technology grand!"

"I can accept all that. But I do not appreciate the fact that, just minutes ago, Michele Bachmann struck me in the back of the head with a Wii remote control. Here, on the House floor!"

(Riiing.)

"Hello? Yes, this is Speaker Boehner. Uh-huh. Right. Yes, yes. I see. All right, I'll tell her."

"Mr. Speaker?"

"Yes, Minority Leader Pelosi?"

"Could I trouble you to put your phone on mute?"

"But that was Rep. Bachmann! She was calling to apologize for punching you with her Wii. She said she was practicing sword-fighting with President Obama's death panels, and she got a little carried away."

"Mr. Speaker, for the umpteenth time, there are no death panels in the health care law."

(Weeping) "Thank goodness! We've managed to hold them back so far. The Grim Reaper is no match for Twitter!"

"Oh, for crying out loud."

"I almost forgot! Rep. Bachmann wanted me to tell you that she just asked you to friend her on Facebook!"

(Sigh.) "Never mind, Mr. Speaker. Pardon the interruption."

"OK! Where were we?"

"I believe Majority Leader Cantor was about to play the final riff of his song on Guitar Hero."

"Yes! All right, everybody, remember now: We're going to dim the lights, and we're all going to hold our BlackBerries in the air just like we're at a concert!"

"I'm speechless, Mr. Speaker. Just speechless."

(Weeping) "I know. And think of what we'll accomplish on karaoke night!"

Daryl Lease is an editorial writer for The Virginian-Pilot. E-mail: daryl.lease@pilotonline.com.