America made him do it

If Newt Gingrich didn't exist, I do believe we'd have to create him. American political life is just too dull without him.

As you may be aware, we're in the midst of the exquisitely choreographed "Froggy Went A-Courtin' " operetta - the quadrennial show wherein our hero coyly speaks of running for president but feigns doubts that he is really, really, really interested in becoming leader of the free world.

The plan, as always, is that he'll run if enough people shrug at him in a way that can be loosely interpreted as "Yeah, whatever, Professor."

Alas, four years ago, the courtship ended with Newt falling a few shrugs short of a full draft. But not, of course, before he used the flirtation to raise millions for his tax-exempt group, "American Solutions for Winning the Future."

(Huh. "Winning the future." Where have we heard that phrase recently?)

The courtship is warming up again.

Last week, after hints that a big announcement was imminent, Newt emerged to tell the world he was setting up a website to help discern whether voters really, really, really want him to become leader of the free world.

The website accepts donations, but he stopped short of setting up an "exploratory committee," which would make him an official candidate.

This week, there were more rumors that if - always the "if" - he runs, he'll announce it outside Independence Hall in Philadelphia.

In a conference call with supporters - leaked, lo and behold, to the media - Newt reportedly said, "We are leaning toward a yes on a presidential run."

Whew. Leaning.

But the true highlight of the week occurred during an appearance on CBN, where our hero - who has added a moral compass to his wind-blown resume - spoke about his marital infidelity.

"There's no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate," he said.

Imagine that conversation with his then-wife: "I'm sorry I cheated on you. But America was so hottt!" (Bill Clinton, no doubt, is kicking himself for not thinking of that one first.)

In the CBN interview, Newt elaborated, "And what I can tell you is that when I did things that were wrong, I wasn't trapped in situation ethics, I was doing things wrong, and yet, I was doing them."

Oh.

On his blog, CBN's David Brody later took umbrage with the AP's decision to highlight the America-as-seductress angle with the headline, "Gingrich: Love of country contributed to affair."

The focus, Brody wrote, should have been on the fact that Gingrich "really opened up and talked extensively about God's forgiveness" and owned up to his infidelity.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Brody wrote, "this is 'Exhibit A' as to why conservatives believe the mainstream media has a liberal bias."

Perhaps. I might have gone with "Gingrich: Not trapped in situation ethics or trousers," but I see the point.

As a Newt fan, though, I'd have to say my favorite part of the interview was his explanation of what we're looking for in a president.

Thankfully, he restrained himself from expounding on his theory that Barack Obama holds a "Kenyan, anti-colonial" worldview - as opposed, I reckon, to the sort of anti-colonial worldview that might lead folks to gather at, say, Independence Hall.

Instead, our hero talked about our wanting someone who shares our values. (It was unspoken, but I think this would disqualify anyone who is, say, a Kenyan, anti-colonialist with Marxist, Muslim, Mau Mau leanings.)

"You're looking for somebody who should be, ideally, the unifier of the nation," Newt said.

There ya go. Unity! Sorta. Elsewhere in the interview, Newt detailed the threats facing us from terrorists and - well - folks who disagree with him.

"In a sense," he said, "our Judeo-Christian civilization is under attack on two fronts. On the one front, you have a secular, atheist elitism. And on the other front, you have radical Islamists. And both groups would like to eliminate our civilization if they could. For different reasons, but with equal passion."

Passion?

Oh, Newt. Who can resist? It's such a hottt civilization.

Daryl Lease is an editorial writer for The Virginian-Pilot. E-mail: daryl.lease@pilotonline.com.