So much scheming under the rainbow

Hmm. It appears I've misplaced my copy of The Homosexual Agenda. It must be around here somewhere.

I need to find it because Del. Bob Marshall has drawn attention to a sinister conspiracy contained therein - a conspiracy that, until now, had escaped my notice. Probably yours too.

In a scorching letter this week to the Federal Reserve Bank in Richmond, Marshall objects to the fact that "the Homosexual Flag" is flying outside its building, right beneath the U.S. flag.

The rainbow-striped flag is there because June is gay pride month.

"We strongly support a diverse and inclusive culture at the Richmond Fed and have learned that it is important to value and embrace differences, both seen and unseen," Sally Green, the Fed's chief operating officer, explained in a statement issued after Marshall and others complained.

Now, reasonable people can disagree over what constitutes turning a flagpole into, as the Prince William County Republican puts it, a "commercial or political message board."

But then there's Marshall.

Homosexual behavior, he writes, "undermines the American economy, is a class six felony in Virginia (18.2-361, VA Code), shortens lives, adds significantly to illness, increases health costs, promotes venereal diseases and worsens the population imbalance relating to the number of workers supporting the beneficiaries of America's Social Security and Medicare Programs."

Let's see now. Where did I leave The Homosexual Agenda?

Ah, here it is, buried under the minutes from the most recent meeting of the Trilateral Commission - criminy, those people do prattle on - and the latest issue of The Illuminati Quarterly.

All rightie. Let's check The Agenda.

Well, whaddya know. It's right there in black and white: Destroy Medicare and Social Security.

No, wait, wrong document. This is Rep. Paul Ryan's budget plan.

Let me look over here under this pile of papers. Saul Alinsky's "Rules for Radicals." Barack Obama's undoctored long-form birth certificate. The U.S. Constitution. (How did that get shredded?)

Ah, there it is! The Agenda.

And yep! It's right there in rainbow colors: Destroy Medicare and Social Security.

Those crafty gay folks, refusing to procreate so that Americans - you know, the good ones, who aren't undermining the economy, committing class six felonies, promoting venereal diseases and whatnot - can collect their Social Security and use Medicare to pay for doctor's visits.

Bravo to Marshall for exposing this dastardly scheme.

Clearly, this problem of gay people not producing enough workers to support the beneficiaries of Social Security and Medicare is going to take some time to correct.

In the meantime, perhaps Virginia could encourage gay couples to freely and openly adopt children, help get them ready to join the bustling American economy and keep those entitlement checks flowing.

Oh, right. It's against the law for gay couples to adopt in Virginia.

And changing that is probably somewhere here in The Agenda, isn't it? Never mind.

Ought to be a class six felony, this freedom stuff.

Daryl Lease is an editorial writer at The Virginian-Pilot. Email: daryl.lease@pilotonlie.com.