How do you give a shark a physical? Very carefully.

VIRGINIA BEACH

Before trying to pick up a shark with your hands, answer these questions:

"Where is the first aid kit?"

"Where is the phone?"

"What do you dial?"

"Where do you tell them to come?"

As Beth Firchau called out the queries on Thursday morning, the crew at the Virginia Aquarium & Marine Science Center chorused the correct answers. Only then did she and five other divers strap on tanks and disappear into the shark pool.

Once or twice a year, two nurse sharks and five sand tigers get physical exams - blood tests, ultrasounds, weigh-ins, measurements.

They don't usually enjoy it.

So to start off easy, Firchau, the curator of fishes, chose a large nurse shark that had been named Homer because he is, well, large and lazy. The divers nudged Homer toward a large mesh barrier that could be closed to force him into a small "hospital pool" at the top of the tank, out of view of tourists, but well within reach of the veterinarian.

Homer did not want to go.

After 10 minutes of chasing, they had him corralled. Homer dived to the bottom of the tank and nosed under the barrier to freedom. They started over, and eventually Homer was in the little pool, circling in waist-deep water.

"That was hard," one diver said.

Three took off their tanks and flippers, then jumped into the pool with Firchau, who was trying to guide an irritated Homer with a sort of shield made of PVC pipe and mesh. A few years ago, Firchau was bitten by a shark during a physical exam.

Dr. Bob George watched from the sidelines. "I don't get in until all the younger, faster aquarists are ahead of me," he said, and laughed.

Firchau, waist-deep and turning as the shark circled her, said, "Watch your hands, watch your arms. Just relax, relax, relax, relax, relax."

George noted that sharks can turn and bite someone holding their tails because their skeletons are made of cartilage and are flexible.

As Homer swam toward a submerged cargo net, Firchau grabbed him around the body with both arms and guided him over the top of it.

"Go!" she called out. "Go, go!"

The net snapped up around the shark. Some of the crew lashed it shut, some supported its weight, some handled the measuring tapes. One person draped herself over the wall, holding an air hose that blew oxygen into Homer's face to keep him breathing and to "narc him out," as George described the relaxed feeling that too much oxygen can give.

Homer calmed down.

"OK, I got a fin," Firchau said, grabbing the big one on Homer's back. "We're ready to go."

George climbed down into the pool and stuck a needle in at the base of the fin. His assistant stuck one under the tail, each in search of a blood sample.

"He's feelin' that, Dr. George," Firchau reported, clasping the irritated Homer in both arms to get a girth measurement as the crew held the net closed and measured his length. Homer thrashed around.

"I need to know the time, guys," Firchau called. Ideally, each check takes 10 minutes or less. Longer than that, and lactic acid from stress affects the muscles of the shark's tail, slowing blood flow and swimming.

One minute ticked by.

"Come on, guys."

Three minutes.

"Did you guys get enough blood?"

Yes, so it was time to weigh, which meant four or five people standing by to lift the net.

"One, two three," and the divers heaved Homer out of the pool. The lifters hustled to get him onto a scale, then rushed him back to the waiting arms of Firchau and crew, who unwrapped the net and anxiously watched as Homer slowly swam away, circling the hospital pool.

Sometimes, sharks lose buoyancy after a physical exam, and divers have to help them to the surface to gulp some air so they can float again. Sometimes, the sharks flip over onto their backs. Homer shook off the narcotic effect of the oxygen and was guided by Firchau back into the large aquarium.

The divers put on their tanks and flippers again and slipped into the shark pool.

One down, six to go.

Diane Tennant, (757) 446-2478, diane.tennant@pilotonline.com