Dress your turkey in a bikini this year

Have you wondered what I’m doing in my new Facebook profile picture?

Well, a couple of years ago, I got tired of the same old turkey with frills on his feet. So I made this beach babe instead.

I got the idea ffrom some spam that someone zinged my way. The picture was obviously doctored up with a perfectly even tan and slender neck and directions that simply said to fashion an aluminum foil bikini on your bird, roast it and it's a wrap.

Yeah, right. Still, I thought it was doable. And it is, although it took me two turkeys to get it right.

Here's how.

You can follow your own cooking method. We brined our bird and then cooked it at 375 degrees until the thigh meat reached 175 degrees. The only difference is that you must not baste the areas that are to be covered by the "bikini."

You'll need a bird, a roasting pan that it can fit into, a heavy cotton napkin that you can cut up, straight pins, scissors, butter and perhaps a bit of molasses.

1. Assess your bird's build. They're pretty barrel-chested. You'll want to position the bikini top right on the top part of the breast. We found that if the bathing suit slopes downward toward the neck, the tan marks won't be pronounced.

2. For the bikini bottoms, Place the corner of the napkin between the legs. Cut the napkin into a triangle. Make it a pleasing cut. Our bird was more of a hottie when we gave her a French bikini of sorts. Use the edging of the napkin to make straps to go over the hips and save some for the straps on the top.

3. To make the bikini top, fold a piece of napkin in half and cut out a pair of circles. They don't have to be very big. This 12-pound bird's cup size was about the diameter of a small jelly glass.

4. Dress the bird before you put it in the oven. Press the cloth top and bottoms onto the raw skin using straight pins to hold the fabric in place and to keep the fabric absolutely flush with the skin.
5. If you want, poke a small, shallow hole in the skin for an inny belly button.

6. Be sure to slide your gal onto the lowest rack in the oven so that her belly doesn't get scraped by the top heating element.

7. Baste the babe every 20 minutes. Think of basting as putting on suntan oil. Use a small paintbrush to maneuver around the edges of the swimsuit.

8. You'll also need to soak that fabric every time you baste. I, of great improvising skill, doused it using a foam brush dipped in water and it worked just great.

9. Along the way, you'll need to loosely cover areas that have fully browned with aluminum foil. Keep foil and scissors nearby.

10. About a half hour before you plan to take the bird out of the oven, you'll need to do a little manhandling to get the laid-back, hands-behind-the-head look. Using a kitchen towel, grasp the wings one at a time and force them back behind the neck.

11. When she's sizzling hot, (indicated when a meat thermometer inserted into the thigh reads 175 to 180 degrees) remove her from the oven.

12. For underdone spots, turn the oven to low broil and with the door open position the pale parts directly under the broiler while you watch. Do not walk away from the oven at this point or you will burn the bird. We also touched up ours with a bit of molasses, just to make the tan lines more pronounced.

13. Remove the "bikini" and voila!

14. If you really want to have fun, lay your beach babe out on a striped or flowered placemat or napkin for a beach towel. Garnish with small beach balls, maybe even a frilly drink.

15. Got a favorite athlete? You could use this technique to emblazon the number on the breast of the bird.

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