Yoga did some stretching - but only to body, thank goodness

When I tiptoed into my first yoga class last July, I had just one fear: That I would leave as a nicer person.

I really worried that, after weeks and months of low lights, soft voices and deep breathing, I'd lose the ability to rant.

I'm an opinion writer, not a peace activist. Without an edge, I'm finished. Surely others have shunned yoga for the same reason. DMV workers, for instance. Trial lawyers. TSA agents.

Thanks to yoga, my world, which now exists in stark black and white, could be bathed in shades of gray. I could decide that I have no right to keep the money I earn, that it belongs to the government. Or I could believe that punks who unleash mayhem on society ought to be given second chances.

What if I suddenly supported parole or thought the Second Amendment should be repealed - thanks to yoga?

Scary thoughts.

Fact is, I was dabbling in yoga for one reason: To be a better runner. Decades of slogging on pavement had left my muscles tight, short and sore. Every run was followed by a fistful of Advil that couldn't dull the aches and pains.

"Try yoga," urged my daughter, who's been doing it for years. "It'll stretch you out. You'll love it."

She was right.

I like the gentle movement, the difficult poses, the balance, the postures, my instructor, my classmates and the changes I notice in my own body. Within weeks, running became a pleasure again.

Yet I remained on guard for any sign that I was becoming, well, agreeable.

Most yoga classes end with something called shavasana - conscious relaxation. It's then that students are encouraged to clear their minds, banish stress, become one with the universe, to be "nonjudgmental" of their breath.

I almost leapt from my mat the first time I heard that. A nonjudgmental columnist? Not me. No, thanks.

To counteract the calming influences of yoga while taking advantage of the physical, I deliberately sent my mind to disturbing places during the final minutes of class.

I closed my eyes and visualized a new horror: the Virginia Beach City Council. Paul Riddick. College tuition. Jimmy Carter. New urbanists. Phil Hamilton. Goat cheese. Light rail at the Beach. The Kardashians. Anything to keep me from descending into terminal geniality.

Turns out - according to The Wall Street Journal, anyway - I needn't have worried.

In a story headlined "Yoga May Help Low Back Pain. Mental Effects? Not So Much," researchers claimed that the benefits of yoga come from the physical exercises exclusively. Not the meditative.

Seems yoga is a terrific way to treat lower back pain that isn't disc-related. The mental aspects, however, seem to do nothing.

In fact, people who simply did yoga exercises without all the trippy music and chanting experienced the same health benefits as the people who spent time in scented, overheated yoga studios.

I'm going to take this one step further: If you are cranky before you start practicing yoga, you'll be cranky when you're done.

You'll just feel better.

That's good news for all of us who work at jobs where being nice is not in the job description.

Kerry Dougherty, (757) 446-2306, kerry.dougherty@cox.net, PilotOnline.com/dougherty