The Virginian-Pilot
©
Gloomy news rained down on us last week. Horrific car crashes. Tax cheats. Shootings. Train derailments.
Seems to me, we've earned some glad tidings. And here they are: This is the final full week of January and virtually no one - in Virginia, anyway - has the flu.
Epidemiologists at the Department of Health in Richmond are playing solitaire as they wait for the first outbreak in a nursing home or college dorm.
Kidding. They're actually hard at work tracking a nasty norovirus that has victims locked in their bathrooms. In the interest of your Sunday brunch, I'll spare you the grisly details.
Still, noroviruses this time of year are normal. A fluless winter is not.
"We haven't seen any outbreaks at all," marveled epidemiologist Diane Woolard on Friday. "We're looking at a very late flu season."
In other words, it's coming, folks. Just in time for Valentine's Day. Or Mardi Gras. Or even Easter.
Last year, we were in the throes of a miserable flu season that hit in early December and didn't subside until late March. Woolard said she found that it's been about 20 years since the disease stayed at bay this long.
I'd phoned Richmond's health honchos to arm myself with ammunition for my annual keep-your-germy-paws-to-yourself column. I like to think of it as a public service that details one woman's embarrassing battle against germs in this huggy, handshaking world. The column inevitably results in an onslaught of sneering messages that accuse me of everything from neurosis to un-Christian behavior.
Fine. Bring it on. As long as you don't bring it in person.
I'm not proud of this, but last Sunday I switched pews to avoid shaking hands with a good man.
It wasn't him I was worried about. It was his son. The adorable child had an astonishingly bad cold. And the Niagara of noses. This dad spent the first 20 minutes of the service wiping his kid's streaming proboscis with a soggy tissue.
Sweet gesture. But no way was I going to shake his contaminated hand when the "sign of peace" moment arrived. There isn't enough Purell in the world for that.
So I slid out of reach.
Truth is, I'd been torn as I watched the messy mop-up. There's nothing nicer than watching a gentle dad taking care of his cute kid. And as a Catholic, I understood why he was there. We believe we should drag our carcasses to church every Sunday - unless we're in a coma or suffering from a sucking chest wound.
Many of us feel guilty if we stay home with the sniffles, let alone someone else's.
But bringing a child crawling with cooties into an overheated church filled with hundreds of outwardly healthy people - and one germaphobe - is a terrible idea. So as long as people refuse to stay home when they're spewing pathogens, the rest of us have to act accordingly.
That means turning on faucets with our feet if necessary. Shouldering our way through doors. Disinfecting gym equipment before we use it. Wearing gloves when we push a grocery cart. Holding restaurant menus with napkins. And avoiding handshakes at all costs.
All right, I'll touch your hand if you make me. But then I'll discreetly - or not so discreetly, depending on my mood - reach for my squirt bottle of hand sanitizer.
Sorry. But the experts say flu season is coming. I'd prefer to sit this one out.
Kerry Dougherty, 757-446-2306, kerry.dougherty@cox.net, PilotOnline.com/dougherty
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Does it work?
So, Kerry, are you consistently able to avoid colds and flu during the winter? I'm just wondering how this works. I hope you tell us next time.
I agree with Kerry. One of
I agree with Kerry. One of my pet peeves is people who come to work sneezing, sniffling, coughing and obviously feeling horrid, although they have hundreds of hours of sick leave. Soon, the whole office has it, and some of us are caregivers for immune-compromised elders or children who could die if they get the flu or a severe cold. You are not that important that you need to show up and infect everyone else.
Ms Daugherty needs to join the rational world
Kerry needs to learn that exposure to germs revs up the body's immune system. First make sure that skin is unbroken - that defends against most germs. If she shakes hands with the germy father she uses as an example, all she has to do is refrain from licking her palm until she has a chance to wash her hands, avoid rubbing her mouth or eyes and she'll be fine. The skin is there to protect us against germs. Sure, avoid grime, but don't let irrationality rule your life.
On the flip side, maybe a
On the flip side, maybe a pastor or minister, whatever they're called, could remind their congregation that God won't be offended if they kept their sick children at home that week. People are so clueless about those around them.
Still not too late
To roll up your sleeve, and get your shot, Kerry.