Not a whole lot of legislative lunacy this year. How sad.

Disappointing.

That's the only way to characterize the crop of legislation before the General Assembly. I perused more than 1,000 bills and resolutions this week and couldn't find a single specimen that will guarantee us a joke on Leno.

No droopy drawers bill this year. No potty parity proposal. Shoot, not even a Mr. Magoo Mandate, like the one proposed several years ago by then-Sen. Ken Cuccinelli that would have allowed visually impaired people to roar around Virginia on motorcycles.

Legislators, you're simply not trying.

Even this session's license-plate proposals are yawn-inducing. Although you have to wonder who will want to zip around with this on his car: "Reston! Live Work Play." Be honest, is there a more soulless spot in the commonwealth than that bland ant colony near Dulles?

Still, there are a few legislative lagniappes worth watching.

One, HB66, has the potential to turn Virginia into the incandescent light bulb capital of the world. Not only would it encourage bulbmakers to move to the commonwealth, it would force the state attorney general to come to the aid of any company that came under assault from the feds, who, as we all know, are pushing CFL bulbs.

This piece of Washington nose-thumbing comes courtesy of ultraconservative Del. Bob Marshall of Manassas, who's already making headlines with his fetus-rights "Personhood" bill, apparently fashioned after the constitutional amendment that went down in flames in Mississippi last November.

Another resolution,HJ19, could ultimately turn Virginia into America's organ-harvesting capital. Proposed by Del. John O'Bannon of Henrico County, a neurologist, it would authorize a statewide study of how an opt-out organ donation system would work.

"It's based on the European model," O'Bannon told me Thursday.

European, you say? Hah. Not going anywhere.

"I'm not sure we're ready for it," he conceded.

Speaking of medical matters, here's a curious one: HB266. This bill would make it illegal for anyone but doctors, osteopaths, dentists and a handful of other specialists to perform surgery.

No fair.

While I prefer actual doctors to operate on me, I've looked at this terrible economy and toyed with the notion of moonlighting. Frankly, what's more lucrative than surgery? Limiting surgical procedures to the privileged few who've completed medical school smacks of elitism. Why can't we all get in on the act?

It wouldn't be Richmond if there weren't battles brewing over tobacco. Emboldened by the sweeping ban on cigarettes that passed the General Assembly a couple of sessions ago, the anti-smoking legislators are back.

One bill, HB142, would let localities ban smoking in public parks, while another, HB114, would classify cigarettes as a special type of litter and attach a $100 fine. Per butt.

Remember when some of us predicted that the statewide smoking ban in restaurants would just be the start, that it wouldn't be long before anti-tobacco fanatics turned their attention from public places to private? Well, get a load of HB115, which would slap a $100 civil penalty on anyone caught smoking in a car with a child under 13 inside. Houses are next. You've been warned.

No, I don't smoke. Yes, I have lost a loved one to lung cancer.

Naturally the two H's, holidays and hunting, are the subject of bills.

If SB43 passes, George Washington Day, celebrated on the third Monday in February, would become Washington-Lincoln Day. There's nothing our legislators like more than a hyphenated holiday. After all, today is Lee-Jackson Day. Sure, it's nice to honor Abraham Lincoln, but unless we get another day off from work, I'm not sure anyone cares.

Finally, for those who like to hunt bears with dogs - and who doesn't? - HB95 would allow us to stumble around the woods training our yappers at night. Currently we have to stop half an hour after sunset.

At last count, there were 1,836 bills and resolutions in the hopper. Members still have until 3 p.m. Jan. 20.

Look, this year's offerings are dutiful and dull, but there's time for lawmakers to interject a little color.

Remember, Jon Stewart and Jay Leno are waiting.

Kerry Dougherty, 757-446-2306, kerry.dougherty@cox.net, PilotOnline.com/dougherty